'Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' recap, Beefing at the kids' party
Aw, what a cute and cuddly couple. (Bravo / November 13, 2012)
Let me start off this week's recap by saying, Kyle Richards knows how to throw a party.
Portia's birthday party had balloon animals, cotton candy, amusement park rides, a llama and UNICORNS. Sure, they were brown unicorns, and I'm not sure that's actually a thing, but whatever, it looked like a good time.
Kyle doesn't have her friends to thank for that, though. For some reason, a group of grown women seemed determined to hash out all of their petty drama at a child's birthday party. Kyle seemed to think it was ok, believing that no one would dare be completely inappropriate around a bunch of fat-cheeked cherubs.
Has she met the other Housewives, yet? But we'll get to that later.
Adrienne is still playing the victim. While shopping for obscenely expensive kids' clothes with Kyle, Adrienne says it's "childish" for Lisa to continue to be mad at her for accusing her of selling stories to the tabloids. As I said before, this is the usual reality TV drama. It is easily manufactured drama -- low hanging fruit for gossip blogs.
But let's unpack this Lisa-Adrienne beef for a moment. Adrienne accused Lisa Vanderpump (whose new house could fit five of my apartments into it) of doing something as base as selling stories to tabloids for money. Not only that, for selling stories about women she calls friends for money. Yeah, um ... she has a right to be offended. Essentially, Adrienne called her a broke traitor without any scruples.
Either way, Kyle wriggles her way out of the sticky situation, but that won't be the last time Adrienne harps on The Lisa Thing. Don't you worry.
Later, Kyle, Adrienne and their husbands head to Taylor's house for dinner where she springs an idea on Paul and Mauricio. Taylor, who has said that her late husband physically abused her, found out about a marathon to raise money for domestic violence. It's called "Walk a Mile in Her Shoes," and requires the fellas to walk down a Sacramento street wearing high heels.
The guys make a few obligatory, heteronormative jokes and agree to join in. Which means Adrienne and Paul go shopping for a pair of heels at some store that sells women's shoes in ginormous sizes. That pair of sparkly, red Mary Janes had to be at least a size 17.
Cut to Yolanda, who is wearing these amazing red, leather skinnies and is off to her daughter Gigi's photo shoot for Guess. Let me begin by saying how ridiculously gorgeous Gigi is. What's more, she seems well adjusted despite starting a modeling career as a teenager. She's looking forward to Portia's party so that she can enjoy an empty calorie-filled cheat day, (Yay, for healthy dieting complete with cheats!) and doesn't seem to hate her mother being there.
Even though Yolanda is kind of being annoying. Yes, she was a model, and she was the real deal, but no matter what she says, she is a scary stage mom. It's understandable, though. When she started out, she had no support, so she wants to be there for Gigi.
But if she tells the makeup artists to round Gigi's eye shadow so she doesn't look "Chinese" one more time, I'm going to cringe myself into oblivion. Racial insensitivity, people -- it's easy to avoid if you try hard enough.
The big day comes, and Kyle doesn't fly to Sacramento with the rest of them because she has to finish getting ready for Portia's party. She also may have predicted that the Maloofs would take it upon themselves to bring up The Lisa Thing, and was just dodging that bullet.
How upset did Paul seem about not being invited to the Villa Blanca party? The fight has nothing to do with him really, and it was awkward that he cared so much. Mauricio played the middle, saying, in groups of opinionated people, there are bound to be a few clashes. And that's true. I'm just sick of everyone being afraid to call Adrienne on her bull.
Back in Beverly Hillz, Kyle is putting the finishing touches on Portia's party when in walk the Vanderpumps -- about two hours early. Lisa claimed that she had some important wine thingy with people from Napa, and had to leave early.
Of course, Kyle was suspicious, and accused her of doing all of these to avoid conflict with Adrienne. Lisa and Kyle make small talk about Lisa making out with the llama (See: beginning of recap) then Lisa walks a llama through Kyle's house to the backyard. Rude!
Anyway, Kyle tries to play peacemaker, but Lisa shuts all of that down. It's between her and Maloof. Let it alone. Kyle thinks it's all really childish, especially because she and Camille Grammer were able to make up after their falling out.
The rest of the party is filled with grown women behaving badly. Camille shows up, and she and a few unnamed women butt into Kim's business about her ex. Brandi, who was feeling anxious about seeing Taylor again, ended up leaving early because Taylor gave her the cold shoulder.
Then, Taylor chose to gossip loudly about Brandi's "You know everyone, you've slept with every one" comment. She even tried to pull Kyle into it, but Kyle refuses. This is a kid's birthday party, people. And how childish did that make Taylor look?
Then Adrienne and Paul show up all woe is me, claiming the other Housewives are protecting Lisa, or whatever.
We really need a showdown because all of this underhanded shadiness is getting old, quick.
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Tim Swift has been writing and editing for The Baltimore Sun since 2001. He's covered Maryland news, pop culture, the local arts scene and now the wilds of the world wide web. Swift is filling in on BaltTech, writing a daily online trends feature, until a new technology writer is named so feel free to send any tips or suggestion his way.
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