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'Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' recap, Twerking to empowerment

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (tv program)MTV (tv network)Television IndustrySteve Jobs

Last night, I took another gander at the episode guide for this season of "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills," and realized this isn’t the last episode! We’ve got one more coming up. Plus, I forgot about the reunions, and reality show reunions are like the meat right near the bone – kind of gross, but full of flavor. That comparison works. I promise it does.

Anyway, the ladies are still in Vegas, where Brandi is on a mission to help women twerk their way to empowerment. Watching the ladies try to pole dance was probably the most entertaining two minutes in this show’s history. Wait, Camille used to be a MTV dancer? How did I miss that?

Adrienne is back home and working hard on launching her handbag line. It’s tempting to be glad for her, branching out and trying something new – except she keeps taking these shots at Brandi: She can’t go to Vegas because Brandi’s there, Brandi’s new business is being on a pole, etc. You’re pissed. We get it. But you’re already suing the girl. All of this trash talking just to have something to say in your confessional is making you look awfully small and petty.
 
Ahhh! Yolanda and Lisa take their turns at the pole. They’re being such good sports about this – it’s kinda precious. Marissa’s being a sour puss, though, mostly, because she doesn’t feel comfortable being overtly sexy.

Marissa has to be the most honest person on reality TV, y’all. Por ejemplo, the whole Kenya/Phaedra beef on “Real Housewives of Atlanta” is all about insecurities and jealously – and backsides, which is annoying – but they would never admit it. It’s all thinly veiled emotional turmoil. So far, Marissa has told us she isn’t that into her husband, she lacks sexual confidence and openly argued with her overbearing mother – like, really argued.

Kim calls Kyle to discuss her upcoming nose job. Kyle’s the sensible one, pointing out that this is actual surgery – ON YOUR FACE! It’s not like getting a manicure. Kyle’s hurt that Kim didn’t tell her about this ahead of time (yeah, that’s something you discuss with your sister) and Yolanda thinks it’s a dangerous mistake.

Kim’s really about to get surgery, and the more I look at her nose, the more annoyed I get. There is nothing wrong with it! She has thought about this for all of two days.  And altering your appearance can be seriously trying psychologically – or so “Grey’s Anatomy” tells me. Doesn’t sound like the best plan for someone battling an addiction.

Hopping over to Paul’s practice, where he’s set to get laser hair removal. Bonus: we get a flashback to that fateful day at the pool where we saw Paul shirtless. Does laser hair removal really hurt that much? Can’t tell because men can be such babies about pain.

Paul and Adrienne got in some cutthroat bickering before his procedure. She told him to flex like Mauricio, which was like tap dancing on his insecurities. When he protested, she poo-pooed him, saying he always complains that she isn’t more like Kyle – a wife who cooks. Paul’s employees looked so freaking uncomfortable. Poor things.

Brandi throws a dinner party of her own, back at the hotel. And Yolanda’s is drinking! Tequila, no less! Good change of pace.

Lisa and Yolanda’s budding friendship is really cute. They’re both so gorgeous and poised and are aging so gracefully. I’ll stop gushing because this is getting gross, but it’s definitely understandable that Brandi wants to be like them when she grows up.

Marissa spills red wine on her Alaia dress, which brings up all kinds of fabulous “Clueless” memories. (“An A-Whatta?”) As tipsy as she is, she tries to counteract it with white wine. I like her. Can we keep her?

At dinner, the convo rolls around to Kim’s surgery. Kyle tries to brush it off as being eccentric. Brandi’s friend Jennifer, an addiction specialist and recovering drug addict, brings up another troubling detail about Kim’s nose job. She’s a recovering addict, and placing her on painkillers could be dangerous.

(Side note: That's where I recognize Jennifer from – “Celebrity Rehab”!)

Kyle thinks Jennifer has a legitimate point, but she stands by her sister. The other ladies seem legitimately worried, but it’s understandable that Kyle feels uncomfortable with her sister’s alcoholism being on the table.

Honestly, it’s all been so calm and peaceful – that’s how you know someone is about to act ignorant.

And that someone is Kyle.

She just has to go and say that she feels bad about Adrienne being back in California, because the last time they were in Vegas she was there. Brandi tries to explain that she doesn’t hate Adrienne. She just stood up to Adrienne. Admittedly, in the sloppiest manner possible, but she claims she really wasn’t being vindictive.

That’s when Lisa says what we’ve all been thinking: Adrienne is making the rumor mill churn even faster by making such a big fuss about Brandi’s gossip. Brandi refuses to talk about it, because she doesn’t want to make her legal problems worse.

Jennifer then backs up Brandi’s story about Adrienne trying to bully her into going up against Lisa during all of the Lisa/Adrienne drama. She then called Camille, nervous about the reunion show. Camille suggested that she stand up for herself, basically.

Lisa brings up one detail of the story that’s been missing: Adrienne also asked Camille to turn against Lisa. Is this RHOBH or “Survivor”? Camille’s back-pedaling at lightening speed, and her being defensive has Lisa’s spidey senses on 1000.

When she gets up to leave, “peacemaking” Kyle brings her back in. Camille feels like she’s been put on the spot, and that Brandi’s “perception” of things was off. Basically, Camille doesn’t want to be the next cast member that Adrienne sues.

Camille brings up the fact that Adrienne was upset that Lisa’s daughter Pandora didn’t have her wedding shower at the Palms Hotel & Casino, because she’s one of the owners.

Brandi takes the low road, saying that Adrienne only owns 2% of the Palms. Kyle’s right. Even if that was true, it’s still mean of Brandi to just blurt that out. Kyle also isn’t ready to admit that Adrienne has a habit of blurting out hurtful things, too. Lisa may have forgiven her, but that doesn’t make Adrienne’s accusations from last season’s reunion any less relevant.

Kyle then decides to out Brandi for lying about a nose job. Lisa chimes in, saying Adrienne’s partial ownership of the Palms is a reality, but Lisa would never bring it up. Then, Camille comes out swinging, claiming that Lisa doesn’t own Sur. Oh, Lawd.

Lisa owns 51% of Sur, apparently. Which kind of dissipates Camille’s “point” because owning a sizable percentage does make you a Real Life Business Owner. No one would say Steve Jobs was just “the personality” of Apple – he was a partial owner AND the face of the company.

Kyle’s right. It was wrong of Brandi to bring up Adrienne’s ownership of the Palms, but Yolanda’s right, too. Kyle loves to make drama and it’s not her job to defend Adrienne, either. We’re all tired of hearing this same, tired argument.

Lisa feels bad for Adrienne, but she also understands Brandi’s frustration. Camille feels that it’s so one-sided, with Lisa’s business being off-limits but Adrienne’s being fair game for gossip and snarking.

Brandi was definitely wrong, but the way Camille came at Lisa, who is a majority owner of her business and actually goes there, to like, work – it made her argument fall apart at the seams. Yolanda finally gets up to leave, fleeing on some private jet that David sent. Because who wants to sit through another dinner party that gets ruined with the same stupid argument?

Back in Beverly Hills, Kyle pops by to check on Kim. She seems in good spirits and has a new puppy. Is that a pitbull? Kim is so ratchet for that.

Kim says she hasn’t needed any painkillers, which is good news. Good luck to her.

In alternating scenes, Kyle updates Kim on the most recent ruined Vegas trip and Lisa tells Ken her side of things.

Kyle bringing up Adrienne’s name at Brandi’s dinner party? It was like summoning drama. But of course, Kyle felt she was being disloyal by chilling in Vegas without at least mentioning Adrienne.

Ken seems taken aback when he hears about Brandi’s two-percent-of-the-Palms jab. Apparently, they’ve all known it about it all along, but have been kind enough not to mention it.

Best part? Lisa on Camille’s comments about the ownership of Sur: “Well, I’ve heard that she’s a silly cow, but would I say that? No.” So shady. So British. So Lisa.

Kyle is still unwilling to bend on her refusal to see things from Lisa’s point of view. Lisa’s really just hurt that Kyle never stands up for her. And Ken? He thinks it’s time someone taught Kyle a lesson about real friendship.

Never has the word “friendship” been used in a sentence so menacing.

Next episode: Lisa and Kyle hash it out. Yolanda tells us how she really feels about Adrienne. (Spoiler: it’s not positive.) Adrienne flat-out denies suing Brandi. Brandi’s head explodes.

Copyright © 2014, The Baltimore Sun
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The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (tv program)MTV (tv network)Television IndustrySteve Jobs
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