Forget swimming and gymnastics, tonight's Olympic-sized drama was in Vegas, not London.
Gina made a grand entrance by ramming the mother/daughter party bus into the hotel. Yes, our Parkville princesses drove a bus into a hotel.
Gina is so distraught by her accident that she cannot perform the sobriety test properly: She literally cannot remember what the officer tells her to do. Gina is too busy hyperventilating and croaking, "I don’t drink at all," to notice her daughter selflessly coming to her aid.
The officer's advice to Gina: go relax and have some fun. This gives the mothers an excuse to go party at the bars. But when Debbie makes an Oreo cookie comment, Loren flies off the handle: "Remember I'm Al Sharpton. F--- you."
Apparently Debbie is playing the race game and the other ladies do not want to play along. Loren decides then to focus on penis, not Debbie, in order redeem her night. In the process of trying to forget Debbie, Loren finds her friend Sharon a man.
While the mothers were away the daughters decided to play. They get the idea to turn every piece of furniture in the hotel suite upside down. When the moms see the prank, Gina, in an overprotective frenzy, rushes around the room searching for her beloved daughter amongst the wreckage.
When the girls rush out to embrace their mothers, all is right again in mama drama land and Gina lovingly calls the girls "f---ing idiots."
The guys that Loren and Sharon brought home are closer to their daughters' ages than their own. But as Loren puts it: "There is penis in the building and we are going to appreciate these penises."
Sharon wants to literally sleep with her four-eyed friend, but Loren doesn't approve of sleeping instead of "getting it in." She decides to cover both Sharon and her cuddle buddy with whipped cream.
The daughters decide to have a "daughters night" and feel liberated without their mothers. But they spend the whole night comparing how much they do or do not tell their mothers about their sex lives.
Marcella is called out for not having "people skills" due to her being home schooled senior year. At the end of the night, Marcella decides she doesn't need any girlfriends other than her mom. Who needs friends when you can tell your mom all about your sexual adventures?
Sharon, Debbie, and Loren go down to the bar while the daughters are out on their own adventure. Debbie makes another Oreo comment and justifies it by saying "I love Oreo cookies." It is clear you do Debbie, don't worry.
The next morning, Vanessa and her mother, Jay, debate the ethical implications of women calling each other "sluts" or "whores." But a field trip go-carting quickly interrupts such a crucial and provocative conversation.
Marcella's previous injuries (but more importantly Gina's over-protective nature) prevent her from racing. Out on the track, Loren proves to be the fastest with young Gina in second, and Jay in last place. The ladies promise to take the amount of shots determined by their place in the race.
Gina and Marcella back out of the shots deal, much to the anger of Loren and the rest of the girls. Loren tries to literally freeze Gina out of the group by pouring cold water all over her. Steam almost smokes off Gina's body as she gets fired up for a fight.
But instead of fighting, Gina goes through the stages of grief following this trauma: first anger, then bargaining, then sadness, then fleeing from angry mothers.
Debbie tries to reason with Marcella and Gina, causing Gina to cry even more. Luckily Jay's streaking came to the rescue and lightened the mood to stop the crying. Now there is a mother to be proud of!
After 10 shots, and five days of not showering, Vanessa finally decides to take an ultimate "slut bath."
The episode ends with the sweet promise of a fight to come. Gina "has officially said the wrong thing" to Ashley who was already in the midst of an alcohol-fueled rage.
Gina dropped the loaded word "ignorant," and although I am not sure either of them knows what it means, it has caused enough controversy for me to hope the ladies are deserving of gold medals for their upcoming battle.Copyright © 2014, The Baltimore Sun