Neighborhood kids shooting firecrackers and blaring music: He traded the Upper East Side for that? Abe, give your girlfriend the apartment she deserves.

If she doesn’t, Ted or Don will. And what a battle of the egos it will be. I’m keeping my popcorn saved in hopes of an epic bathroom brawl, like Don vs. Duck in ‘The Suitcase.’ Someone needs to get punched, and if it’s not Pete, it’s got to be turtleneck-clad Ted.


BEST ROGER ONE-LINER: “Because I close, Pete. I close things.” Anything that shuts up Pete’s smug yapper deserves a medal.

BEST GIF TO WATCH ALL DAY: Pete tumbling down the stairs. Enjoy your lack of productivity.

MOST PIN-WORTHY RECIPE ON PINTEREST: Cocktails with spirits of elderflower. I smell a bootleg theme party in the works.

MOST DESERVED NAME FOR AGENCY MERGER: Peggy Inc. Can’t blame her if she tries that one.

BEST BREAKUP LINE: Marie to Roger: “You are speaking slowly so that I’ll understand ... Forget ... my ... name.” Slam goes the telephone, and once more when Roger calls back two seconds later.

WORST THING TO SAY AFTER KISSING YOUR EMPLOYEE: Ted to Peggy: “I’m grateful.” What’s she supposed to say to that, “Uh, thanks?” Don would be so much smoother.

MOST UNSETTLING MORNING GREETING: Roger biting his one-night-stand stewardess on the shoulder. She put a fresh coat of makeup on for you in the a.m., and this is how you treat her?

CLEAREST CONTINUITY IN CLOTHES: The color scheme from ‘The Other Woman,’ in which Joan sleeps with Herb, Peggy leaves SCDP, and Megan auditions for that Broadway play, is impeccably identical. Joan is wearing the same jade dress when she stands up to Don that she wore the day she became partner, giving Don that “don’t you dare judge me” glare. When Peggy sees Ted after he’s leaving the creative meeting, her dress is a bold and powerful purple, the shade she’s seen in when waiting for the elevator out of SCDP. Megan first wore a nude dress to seduce Don when he was at the office, for pre-audition encouragement. In this episode, she’s taking her mother’s advice, and wears a nude dress to audition for the part of sexiest wife. Can someone explain to me why Janie Bryant hasn’t won a single Emmy for Costume Design?

CREEPIEST CONTINUITY: Megan goes down on Don before he heads to Detroit for the presentation, while Marie is in town. Marie also serviced Roger in season five’s “At the Codfish Ball.” Please tell me that’s not more motherly advice Marie gave her daughter in the fitting room.

MOST STRIKING PERSONALITY DOPPELGANGER: Herb’s fluffy-hair-for-brains wife is a dead ringer (for mannerisms, anyway) for Lane Meyer’s mother from ‘Better Off Dead.’ During her thrilling puppy story, I was waiting for her to say to Marie, “Would you like some Frahnch dressing?”

SADDEST SHOE SHINE: Roger shining his own shoes before heading to the airport to land Chevy. It doesn’t look poignant, but since his shoe-shine’s death is tied into his mother’s, maybe busting out the shine and brushes helps him cope with her loss on Mother’s Day.

BEST METAPHOR THAT SUMMARIZES HERB: “She’s the apple that goes in the pig’s mouth!” -- Marie about Herb’s wife. He’s the pig; she’s the apple. How disgusting appropriate.