Here we are at the fifth episode: Still waiting on a physical altercation between the roommates, and hoping for some sort of monumental event that will bring us back next week. I think the producers took a different route and decided to tempt us as if this were a horror movie.
Full of gore and general disgust:
Vinny has returned to Ocean Terrace! If another week had gone by, I think Pauly would have been the next one removed from the Shore Store’s payroll.
The kiddos celebrate Vinny’s return by partying at Karma, as per usual. Jersey Turnpiking and shot-taking are the activities of choice for our favorite miscreants; however, one very prominent member of the house (Mike) drifts off to hang out with the Shore’s finest randoms. Drinks are being poured, and something else starts to flow on the floor – Snooki’s drinks from the evening start rolling down her leg. How one urinates herself while completely conscious and engaged in an activity such as dancing boggles my mind, but I am not judging … too much.
I have decided that Deena needs to get it together – hygienically. Not only did she and Snooki admit that they never wash their hands after using a bathroom, but her extensions look as if they were washed in a bar sink with a Brillo pad, and she generally looks unclean. I don’t even want to think about what she smells like.
The accident-inducing fun continues as the crew heads to Jenks for Sunday Funday. The whole family boozes it up for a while, then heads over to the batting cages for a change of scenery. Mike once again stays behind, making friends with the patrons instead of hanging out with his roommates.
Mike confesses to Snooki and Deena that he feels like the rest of the guys in the house talk about him behind his back, and also that he is fighting a losing battle when it comes to attempting to rekindle his relationship with his roommates. He confronts the guys about his feelings, but they all brush it off as if the underlying issues will just go away. In reality, they know that Mike is the catalyst to all the negativity in the house, so there is no real need for an apology.
O. M. G. Mike’s pants. On the rooftop deck. I can’t even deal with what occurred up there.
For reasons still unknown to viewers, Roger has become a shady boyfriend. He never answers Jenni’s calls and has not made an appearance of significance on the show in some time. It’s a shame – he seemed like a good guy for JWoww.
Snooki’s UTI becomes a topic of conversation between her and anyone who will listen for the remainder of the episode. Her dad isn’t even safe from her “downstairs” issue – she sends him to the store for cranberry juice and fake eyelashes.
The episode wraps up with yet another “Situation” situation. It looks as though the nice guy act was yet another one of his fine performances, and we should hopefully see the Snooki/Jionni/Unit Throwdown sooner than later.
Word of the Day: “Shore Shower” Paying $2 to the bathroom attendant to spray your crotch with 50-cent generic raspberry body spray. Ew.
Another Thursday night in the books, and we have quite a few scenarios heating up. Will we find out why Roger is being shady? Will Jionni, Unit and Mike finally have their Battle Royale? Was Snooki’s pee problem really a UTI, or is it an uncured STD acting up?
Hopefully some (or all) will be revealed to us next week...Copyright © 2014, The Baltimore Sun