'Jersey Shore'

On his birthday, Pauly D feels the love from his family. Mike feels the love from no one. (Ian Spanier Photography / MTV)

So, here we are, friends. Episode 3 of "Jersey Shore." If you’re like me, you’ve been putting toothpicks in your eyelids to stay awake. We fared a little better this week, though:

  • The night starts with a somber Pauly heading to Karma to tell the gang that Vinny has indeed left. The reaction from the roommates was generally sad but didn’t depress them to the point of ruining  their night. Of course, Jionni was a bit of an ass to Snook about it: “Just tell me if you love him right now." Unnecessary, greaseball! Mike, generally unfazed, grabs a grenade. Pauly grabs a DTF in honor of Vinny (who is also a grenade).
  • Deena’s babbling like a drunken fool over Vinny is a wee bit ridiculous. I know Vinny was a well-liked dude, but her overzealous tears and deeming him her “soul” and “rock” are unnecessary. They weren’t THAT close.
  • Yes, it is a bummer that Vinny left the show (for now, anyway). However, I am pumped that his depressing demeanor will not bring me down anymore when I write these recaps. #Zoloft
  • Snooki & Deena’s first “Meatball Day” in Seaside doesn’t end up quite as bad as the Italian edition. The drunken dance-off at Aztec was a hilarious hot mess and resulted in Deena’s hair turning into a bird’s nest full of knots, club bracelets and shame.
  • Side note: What are these guys thinking when they pick these girls to take home?! 99% of them are busted and must have no self-esteem. If you’ve seen the show even once in its five seasons, you know that you are going to get dogged on camera by them post-coitus.
  • The whole Bosnian girl situation is … weird. She seems like a common streetwalker when Mike first meets her, then does a complete 180, showing that she is somewhat of a nice girl. She then is passed to Pauly but chooses to leave because she just wants to “talk,” aka get more TV face time. When she leaves the house and then comes back to “talk” to Mike, she just looks like a clown.
  • Pauly and Mike’s birthdays happen to fall at the same time. Pauly’s family comes into town to help him celebrate the big 3-1 (!) by hosting a large dinner and bringing his barber of 10 years into town for a much-needed haircut. Mike seems down, as his friends and family do not make an appearance. It all gets to be too much when the girls bake Pauly a birtrhday cake but do nothing for Mike. Sorry, Mike, but jerks generally don’t get rewarded with birthday cakes and gifts when they treat their supposed friends like garbage. You won’t get any sympathy from this girl.

Word of the day:  Snooki says it’s “pertruded” (protruded), but I’m going to pick Wasteypants. Enough said. Merp.

This episode instilled faith in my heart that this season can and will get better. There is a lot of tension building up in Mike, and I know that he’s just going to explode in a week or two. He might seem like a sad puppy now, but he doesn’t deal with depression like a normal person. He thrives off making others feel his pain, so the roommates are sure to be dealing with a “Situation” situation soon.

After seeing next week’s preview, I can guarantee that I will not be dozing off from here on out.