'Jersey Shore'

As Jersey as ever. (Jeff Daly/MTV/PictureGroup, Jeff Daly/MTV/PictureGroup)

Here we go, everyone: Episode two of the fifth (and probably final) season of "Jersey Shore." Did we get a hair-pulling, kooka-flashing, Situation-bashing bomb of an episode this week? Well …

  • I’m not going to lie – I dozed off for the first 15 minutes. I woke up to Snooki drunkenly draping herself over Jionni, discussing his sexiness and a future meal of chicken cutlets. I also saw a quote on Twitter that discussed sharing girls and underwear. Can’t wait to see the replay so that I can put a face to that quote, although I have a sneaking suspicion that it came out of Mike’s mouth.
  • I also saw Jionni briefly get upset with how drunk Snooki was, and for a moment it seemed as though there would be an Italy Blowup 2.0. Sammi made sure to tell Jionni that he chose to love Snooki sober or drunk when he decided to date her, and he needs to calm down if she’s had a few too many shots.
  • I would like to think that Pauly learned a lesson when his gold chain disappeared after a night with a DTF random, but for some reason I think that she won’t be the last grenade rendezvous of this vacation. I get grossed out when I think about him putting that chain around his neck after she shoved it in the crotch of her booty shorts before her exit. Who knows what is living in there?
  • I feel for Vinny, I really do. He has always come off as the most down-to-earth of the crew, and I am sure that a life of constant alcohol-induced unconsciousness and random sexual encounters can wear you down after a while. Ronnie and Pauly do their best to try and talk Vinny off of the ledge; however, it seems as if the only cure for Vinny’s depression would be a trip home to his family.
  • As the crew prepares for another night out, a somber vibe flows through the house. They all discuss staying in for the night to somehow convince Vin that the Shore is where he needs to be, but decide that there could be negative repercussions if they put too much pressure on him to stay. It turns out that not even Pauly, Vinny’s best friend, could convince him otherwise, and they end up packing up all of his belongings and sending him in a cab back to Staten Island.

Word of the Week:  “Shoes" It seems like the way to a Jersey Shore boy’s bed is by either complimenting him on his shoes or losing yours in the Smush Room.

Overall, this was yet another snoozer for me … Literally. I am disappointed in this season so far, and it’s only the second episode.  Maybe it’s a little absurd that I judge the entertainment value of this show based on fights and drunken debauchery, but I believe that that’s the name of the game when you are in Seaside Heights, and I expect to see at least two instances of each weekly. 

Just in case, I plan on making a pot of coffee around 9:30 next Thursday night.