Snooki Season 5

Snooki on Season 5 of "Jersey Shore." (MTV / December 7, 2012)

This week, we got a “feel good” type of episode, which is appropriate considering we are quickly approaching the holidays.

If I had to name this episode, it would be “Olive Branch” or “We Are Family” (yes, I’m singing it in my head, too). The group heavily unites in this episode and shows that in the end, it is all about family, and they are one family. United they stand, united they fall – down – hard.

The episode starts where they left us last week, with Vinny wanting to speak to Jionni in private. Vinny did not disappoint, and did exactly as he should have: He congratulates Jionni, and apologizes for their past history, which has not been a good one.

Jionni reports back to Snooks and says he was satisfied with the apology, could tell it was heartfelt and gave her the OK to invite him to the wedding.

Now you’re thinking, "What about Mike and his apology?" No worries, we will get to it later.

Snooki gets all kinds of awesome gifts like bottles of wine (for when she can drink) and even a bottle of Cristal. Snooki had no idea what it was, and let’s be honest, she’s not a rapper popping bottles in the VIP, so why should she?

To sum the rest of the baby shower up: Snooks got a bunch of inappropriate onesies. Ron won the “bottle-chugging” contest and explains his success to the group by saying “You have to bite the tip.”

The next morning, Mike wakes up and is haunted, like something out of "A Christmas Carol," by a montage of all the fights between Snooki and himself. He gets dressed and heads over to Snooki’s to finally apologize.

Mike asks if he can sit down and talk with her, and despite Snooki’s clear hesitation, she ends up accepting his apology. Mike apologizes for being a bad friend to her, and explains that he is a changed man now and does not want to lose his best friend in the house. He tries to explain wanting to sabotage their relationship because he did not like Jionni at first and was trying to protect her. She accepts the apology and awards him a “high-five” due to him being an “awkward man.”

The question still remains though – did they hook up in Los Angeles or not? Sitch is apologizing for being a bad friend, but NOT apologizing for “lying.” My vote is YES. But again, we will come back to that later in the episode.

The guys head out in the morning for some GTL, and run into Paula at the tanning salon who is looking “fine” in her floral Maxi dress with a flower in her hair. She plays nice but Pauly D constantly makes it awkward as soon he yells “awkward” in a high-pitched voice.

Paula compliments Mike, gives him a kiss on the lips and leaves him a note in the tanning bed, but he waits until he gets home to read it.

The note was heartfelt and basically said she wants him to give her another shot, and misses him terribly, but Vinny, the note-narrator tears her apart for her spelling and missing words. Does Mike want to get back together after the note? Probably not; he just wants her back as a smush buddy. 

Later that night, Jenni and Vinny stay home sick while the rest of the group goes out. Vinny agrees to ride scooters with Snooki on the boardwalk. They act like old people and its genuinely funny, but the fun stops when someone yells at Snooki and calls her a “fat f---.“

Vinny doesn’t take that sitting down, and quickly throws his ride into reverse and confronts the guy who said it by asking him, “Did you really just call a pregnant girl, fat?” I was cheering him on through the TV. I don’t care if you like "Jersey Shore" or Snooki, but either way, to talk to a pregnant woman that way is classless.

The best part of their scooter-date comes when they roll up to Aztec where the group is partying, and security lets them in the club with their scooters. It made for a pretty hilarious club appearance.

Over at Aztec, Paula is unfortunately doing the creepy ex-girlfriend thing — lingering and watching from a far. At some point, she even comes up to the girl Mike is chatting up and tells her how cute she is. She ends up going home alone and Mike doesn’t mind because he got mad at her earlier when she asked him to hold her drink. Let's face it: Mike can act like a drama queen sometimes.

The next morning, Snooks takes the girls to her sonogram, and Jionni meets them there. They get good news that the baby is healthy and has a big, um, member. (Are we sure its not Vinny’s baby?) Right when the “Awws" start in the room, a close-up of baby Lorenzo’s face shows he is giving them all the middle finger.

Later, the boys plan a guys night of dinner and the cigar bar, and invite Jionni. They end up sitting around a circle of couches, smoking cigars and approaching him like the mafia. They want to make sure that his intentions are good and they bring up the fact that he’s never around.

With Jenni recently mentioning the same thing, Jionni gets really defensive, and states that he visits as much as Roger. Did anyone else watch this scene and think, "Why is Mike smoking?" He does not drink, do drugs or smoke cigarettes now.

I wanted to say to Jionni, "Roger didn’t recently impregnate and propose to Jenni" ... (well, the proposal part, yes!) but not at the time of this episode. Where was someone at that point to stand up and say that! Roger is Jenni’s boyfriend. You are Snooki’s fiancé and the father of their child, so get here more often!

Jionni reveals that the incident in Italy killed him and that he was willing to give her a second chance, so clearly he cares about her, and saw more than her party-girl exterior. And what better way to end the night then to have Jionni invite them all to the bachelor party, and they all invite him into the family. 

Weird part though, I still was left with the burning question “Did Sitch and Snooks hook up in LA?” When Jionni tells Mike that he didn’t appreciate his “s--- talking” in Italy, Mike still claims that he was only telling the truth.  Dun dun DUN.

Things I Learned On This Week’s Episode of "Jersey Shore":

• There is such thing as an “Energist” and she calls herself “Zen Jen” and she will lie and do a false reading if you pay her to.

• Jionni has a business that supplies and maintains ATMs. He collects on the fees.

• Paula has the nicest natural boobs in the world.

• “Knocking the dust off” of someone refers to smushing.

• Vinny will hit a b----, because he’s from Staten Island.

Agree with me or agree to disagree with me, let me know on Twitter: @KT_HUTCH.