By Derek Chavis
For The Baltimore Sun
9:16 AM EDT, October 4, 2013
As I write this, I’m still trying to process the emotional promo I just witnessed for the Cory Monteith tribute episode coming next week. More about that later.
Tonight we were treated to, in my humble opinion, a much better “part two” of the two-part season premiere of "Glee." Those epic "Glee" one-liners returned in full force and made me actually belly laugh on more than one occasion. We finish out this two-part Beatles premiere with Mr. Schue introducing New Directions to the second part of the Beatles assignment; "When the Beatles went from mop-top to experimental.”
The kids let us know that prom king and queen nominations are going to be announced shortly, with both Tina and Sam express their longing for one. Nominations are revealed and while Tina is in, Sam isn’t. At this point, Tina tells Sam that she no longer needs or wants him as her date, because she wants to lock down the “dateless wallflowers” and will thus go stag.
At the excitement of her nomination, Tina breaks out into a solo rendition of “Revolution” -- before being walked out on about 10 seconds into the tune. Awkward.
Kitty tells Tina that, even though she, too, is nominated for Queen, her support will go to Tina. This upsets our old pal Bree, who informs kitty that the Cheerios have lost out to the “Jewish one” and the “gay kid” for the last two years and they need to hold the position in the school once again. I should use this time to express my own absolute (borderline) obsession with Bree. I’ve never thought a mean girl of "Glee" was awesome until now. I think what I love about Bree is that when she’s going in on someone, she prefaces every dig with the word “fact” and then gives the most random facts about the character. Her literal one-minute-ten-second read on Kitty (yup, I actually timed it) giving her support to “Kimchi Cohen-Barf” was the funniest thing I’ve seen on "Glee" in at least the last five minutes.
I say five minutes because, let’s face it: Just before this rant, we witnessed Santana Lopez dressed as a Soccer Mom and skipping, swinging on a swing set, twirling in a field, ribbon-dancing and blowing bubbles in her commercial for the product “Yeast-I-Stat,” because women should “like yeast in their bagels, not in their muffins.” I actually LOL’ed.
It should also be noted that Demi Lovato makes her glorious debut as Dani, a lesbian who left her family behind when they were “un-cool” with finding her making out with a girl in her basement. If Naya Rivera and Demi Lovato were really an item, Brad and Angelina would absolutely have to watch out. The two watched the sun rise during the graveyard shift at the diner while singing “Here Comes the Sun” and I, for one, absolutely ate it up. I found myself wanting to be BFF with this fictional almost-couple. Demi has dyed her hair blue in real life. I hope this doesn’t mean her time on "Glee" is over.
After referring to him as “Busted Timberfake,” newly-installed-Principle Sylvester informs Will that she is instituting “Mandatory Vaccination Day” to ensure that McKinley’s attendance record improves under her watch. At this bit of news, Sam informs us all that he is absolutely afraid of needles and begs her to reconsider. But once he finds out that Will’s job is on the line, it becomes his goal to overcome this fear.
Enter Penn Owen, a college sophomore who is pricking people for Sue Sylvester as a way to get into nursing school. Sam falls head-over-heels for her and actually self-inflicts bite wounds on his arm in order to see her over a montage to the Beatles song “Something.”
Sue fires Penny because she is quite the klutz, but Sam tells Sue that she must keep her because of her bed-side manner. The phrase “horizontal, talking moose-knuckle” is then thrown out, and I temporarily laughed myself out of consciousness. Sorry about that. Needless to say, Penny keeps her job.
We learn that Tina’s assistant, Dotty, really doesn’t love working for Tina. Bree gets ahold of her and brings her over to Team Bree.
This brings us to prom. We start the (incredibly-understated-especially-for-a-TV-high-school) prom event with Marley, Jake, Ryder and Unique singing “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” and wearing some really tacky prom garb. Prom King and Queen are Stoner Brett and (gasp) Tina Cohen-Chang. Obviously, those of us who love Halloween immediately think “Carrie.” Then our thoughts are confirmed, as Dotty pulls a bucket of red slushee onto Tina and Bree starts the crowd laughter.
Tina runs away and feels bad for herself for about 30 seconds, until Blaine starts a “Hey Jude” montage where New Direction-ers clean up Tina and they march back into prom during the funnest part- the “nah nah nah’s.” Tina embraces her prom queen victory and I’m left thinking “Of course they’re going to find out that Finn died now, that’s how the last 30 seconds of Glee episodes are.”
Only, the episode keeps going. Nene Leakes brings Bree to Principle Sue to be suspended for her actions, hilarious though they were. Instead, Sue appoints the “Chocolate Cheerio” she didn’t know she had as team captain and tells Bree to torture Glee Club in whatever way she can, in order to “light a fire” under the Direction-ers butts to win a National Championship.
The episode ends with a wonderful cast performance of “Let It Be” after it’s announced that Rachel gets the coveted “Funny Girl” role of Fanny Brice! YAY!
I’d like to talk a bit about “The Quarterback” promo. It opens with Rachel singing my all-time favorite song, Bob Dylan’s “To Make You Feel My Love.” The imagery used is gut-wrenching. We still have zero idea how Ryan Murphy is going to incorporate this real-life tragedy into the hit show, but the gossip trails are longer than Unique’s runs.
I have been a huge fan of this show since May 19th, 2009, when the unknown "Glee" was aired directly after the "American Idol" finale of Kris Allen vs. Adam Lambert. Yeah, for me, this upcoming episode is THAT serious.
Finn has been an amazing character, and I hope justice is coming next week. I find it weird that they haven’t mentioned once what the character has been up to, and I fully intend on sounding off as soon as possible next Thursday. I hope that all the people who have ever liked "Glee," ever felt connected in any way -- whether the connection is still there or it faded along with one of your favorite cast members or story lines -- my sincere wish is that you all tune in next Thursday.
Ryan Murphy is pretty genius, and I think that he is going to let us have it. I also will have next week’s blog up as soon as I possibly can, and if you didn’t catch the promo last night, you can watch it here. I truly hope you’ll all join me next week in remembering Cory.
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