A wise man once sang the words “If I can make it there, I can make it anywhere! It’s up to you New York, New York!” And he wasn’t lying!
Tonight, we join all of the McKinley High graduates as they are apparently a few months into their adventures in the Big Apple, the only one who seems to be truly enjoying herself is Rachel Berry. Her producer wants to thank her for being such a hard worker and good sport with Santana quitting, so he rewards her with 24/7 access to her very own Town Car.
Rachel begins to lose sight of who she is and where she came from, as she tends to do once things are on the up and up for her. She opens the episode with the Petula Clark’s 1964 hit song “Downtown,” and the rest of the cast joins in with her in their own respective adventures around the city.
A little further into the episode, Artie is robbed in the subway. A man on crutches snatches Artie’s backpack off of his wheelchair; when Rachel finds out, she states, “I know exactly how you feel. This one time, I meant to give a homeless man a dollar but accidentally gave him a $10 bill. When I asked for it back, I was booed and hissed, I felt so violated. It’s overcoming these things that make you a TRUE New Yorker!” To which Artie states “You’re not a real New Yorker. You’re not even a real person anymore.”
These words weigh heavy on Rachel. The next time she’s in her Town Car, her voice-over seems to be having an internal struggle. She feels like she’s cut off from the rest of the city in her stuffy little car. She misses the smells and adventures of The City and feels like she might be stunting her creative growth by taking her Town Car everywhere.
Rachel decides to give up her car and take the subway with Artie every day. as they sing “Don’t Sleep in the Subway.” While on the subway, they find the robber. Artie grabs Rachel’s pepper spray and gets him right in the eyes. Artie lucked out! Not only was the man a thief, but also a hoarder. Artie got everything back!
As mentioned before, we’ve apparently gone a few months since the last episode, and Kurt is really feeling the tension. Even with Santana gone on an extended vacation with Brittany, the N.Y. loft is getting cramped. There’s Rachel and Rachel’s ego (that’s at least two people right there). There's Sam, who hasn’t booked a single modeling gig, most likely because he’s turned into a complete video game-obsessed slob who doesn’t leave the couch, like, ever. Then there’s Blaine. Dear, sweet Blaine. The same Blaine who always wants to make Kurt breakfast in bed, who walks Kurt to class, who walks Kurt home from class, who goes to be bed next to Kurt, who wakes up next to Kurt, who wants to meet with Kurt everyday for lunch, who... Well, you get the point. Blaine is literally everywhere.
Blaine and Kurt do a cute rendition of “You Make Me Feel So Young,” as they wonder if they’ve turned into an old married couple. Things begin to really hit Kurt, though, when, in his “Miming” class, Blaine shows up and lets Kurt know that they are going to be in six out of that year’s eight classes together.
Kurt has a heart-to-heart with his new BFF, Elliott “StarChild,” about everything, including the time when Blaine bought a cute couch that was later found to be ridden with bed bugs. Kurt loves Blaine, but feels that the couch might be an omen to his relationship with Blaine: seemingly perfect on the outside but heading to bigger issues when things implode from within.
The two friends belt a new song, “Rockstar” by A Great Big World, as they throw caution to the wind and get Kurt’s mind off all of his problems at home.
The final straw comes when Kurt walks in to find Blaine redecorating “his” apartment without consulting him. Kurt relates how Elliott thinks they might be spending too much time together. Blaine flies off the handle and eventually shows up at Elliott’s house; he doesn’t have his number or email and has waiting for Elliott to friend him on Facebook.
After calling Elliott a “glitter vampire with guy liner and tats” and accusing him of wanting to steal Kurt, Elliott explains that the two are simply friends and that he doesn’t see Kurt like that. He says that Blaine should really respect boundaries and stop trying so hard to be a couple with Kurt. When Blaine and Kurt reconvene, they agree that it’s best that Blaine move out and discover what New York is to him, without his fiancee being a crutch.
After Blaine takes Sam to Times Square and they belt out “Best Day of My Life,” Sam finally finds the confidence to cut his “bronytail” and book his first modeling job ... with Bubble, “a men’s butt contouring underwear that finally gives men that sexy firm onion butt they’ve always dreamed of” (or something like that).
Sam briefly moves out of the loft, but when faced with one roommate who had to leave due to some “paid webcam stuff” and the other, a hot girl also named Sam who was addicted to prescription drugs, he decides to come back to do this the right way.
Sam and Blaine decide they want to find a place together. Enter Mercedes, who literally just walks through the front door unannounced. I KNOW people in New York City lock their apartments. Mercedes missed everyone and convinced the record label she had to go to New York for better vibes on her new album. She invites Same and Blaine to move in with her.
The episode concludes with Rachel singing the beautiful Funny Girl song, “People,” as the friends enjoy laughs and family dinner in the New York loft.
See ya next week, folks!