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'Glee' Season 5 premiere recap, 'Love Love Love'

MusicRyan MurphyGlee (tv program)William McKinleyCory Monteith

Welcome back to the wonderful world of "Glee," folks.

Let’s start with the elephant in the room. You may have realized at some point that something was slightly off. Was it the fact that Artie, Blaine, Tina and Sam were still there? Was it the fact that prom was being talked about prematurely? Was it the fact that Rachel still didn’t know anything about "Funny Girl" or that the episode never once addressed the fact that we had spent the last three months away from this lovable cast of characters?

Well, it was all of the above BECAUSE THEY’RE STILL IN THE SAME SCHOOL YEAR! It took me the entire episode to realize this and I was so confused the whole way. I can’t be the only one bothered by this, right? I should also mention (though this will probably get me a few haters early on) that I am by no means a Beatles (the focus of this week's episode) “fan.” I appreciate what they’ve done for music, but I have never been able to drink the Kool-Aid.

There, I said it.

We begin part one our two-part Beatles-filled adventure in New York City with Rachel overhearing the casting director of “Funny Girl” calling her “too young and green” to carry a Broadway show. The moment leads her to reminisce about the easier days as the star of McKinley High in a beautiful rendition of “Yesterday.” A little later, she and Santana serve the casting directors a little “Hard Night’s Work” with their BLTs during a shift at their new jobs in the Spotlight Diner on Broadway. This was a small storyline tonight as I’m pretty sure these characters will develop more in the next few episodes in regards to the big loss that the show suffered this year. I'm looking forward to seeing how they handle that.

In yet another upward move, Sue Sylvester becomes the principle of William McKinley High School when she sabotages Principle Figgins by sneaking into his desk one night and filling it with porn, gambling receipts and a Hitler-autographed copy of “Mein Kampf.” Where do they come up with this stuff?

She tells Will Schuester and Nene Leakes (that is all I’ll ever call her on this blog because I can’t be bothered with her "Glee" name) that she has their backs as long as they are winners of the national championships. She even name-drops Jesus as the original mind behind “the end justifies the means,” even though this writer is pretty sure that that was actually Niccolo Machiavelli. Whatever. Figgins ends up as the school’s janitor because even though he’s probably a Nazi, gay porn addict with a gambling problem and a wicked foot fetish, cleaning the halls of the high school he once governed seemed like a fantastic idea to someone.

One of the more prominent storylines tonight was the socially forbidden love story shared by Kitty and Artie. Kitty tells Artie she wanted to date him on the DL like “secretly gay conservatives” but when thrown under the bus by the Bitter Betty herself, Tina Cohen-Chang, Kitty announces to New Directions that her feelings for Artie are indeed real and she’s ready to be a human and love.

Be that as it may, McKinley’s head mean-girl-in-charge still has a tongue sharper than those notes she attempts to sing every week. My favorite Kitty one-liners of the night? When Ryder said he still identified with the Beatles, she responds with “Why? Were the Beatles dyslexic and ‘Catfished’ by transexuals?” And when she called Tina “Memoirs of a Lame Geisha.” We also are introduced to Bree, “with two E’s and not like the way you spell the nasty cheese” who looks like she might be swiping Kitty’s status soon. And what’s worse? She’s the kind of mean that is SO nasty she can do it with a smile on her face. *Shudder.*

Another big storyline: Klaine are back together. And what’s better? Blaine wants to ask Kurt to marry him ... tonight! Blaine sets up an elaborate proposal while singing “All You Need Is Love” with the help of rivals the Warblers, Vocal Adrenaline and the Haverbrook School for the Deaf. We’re reaching here, people. Kurt says yes and everyone is super happy. This is when I realized that we were still four months behind in "Glee" time. Maybe they’ll flash ahead to present time after the Cory Monteith tribute in two weeks? We’ll see. I hope this storyline improves because I’m not really buying it, and I hope that Ryan Murphy doesn’t pawn off an intended Rachel-Finn storyline on these two because the two couples couldn’t be any more different. For me, this just doesn’t feel right.

Along with the songs I’ve already mentioned, we had a slew of Beatles hits: “Drive My Car,” “Got to Get You Into My Life,” “You’ve Got to Hide Your Love” and “I Saw Her Standing There.” This is just too many songs. And Kitty is now a singing lead? NO PLEASE! Quinn, I could handle. But please, let’s just let Kitty throw around snarky comments at people because she’s so good at that. 

Next week looks fun because we’re getting Demi Lovato as Santana’s hot new lady love. This wasn’t my favorite season opener, mainly because it felt like things weren't explained enough in the beginning to guide viewers through the episode.

Copyright © 2014, The Baltimore Sun
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MusicRyan MurphyGlee (tv program)William McKinleyCory Monteith
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