Hannah has been offered a book deal -- well, an e-book deal, with an unnamed editor who she is a big fan of.
As she's gushing over her dream becoming a reality, he tells her she's got a month to get it done. He hugs her, pronounces her his new protege and as she rounds the corner leaving the restaurant, she pukes.
Booth-Jonathan and Marnie are in bed when his assistant comes in (totally unconcerned about their nudity) and after a pleasant chat, he fires her for taking a bite out of his rosewater ice cream. With no assistant to host the art opening at his house that night, B-J asks Marnie to do it. She's delighted.
At Grumpy's, Ray asks Hannah where his copy of "Little Women" is. Apparently his Godmother gave him the book and it's important to him: "She writes notes in the backs of books explaining how they relate to my sh--."
"How exactly does your Godmother think that 'Little Women' relate to your sh--?" Shoshonna ponders, "Like, does she think you're a Marmee or an Amy?"
I love this line of questioning, as there are some, I'm sure, who wonder if they're a "Marnie" or a "Hannah."
The book is at Adam's. Shosh insists Adam retrieves it himself as it's his manly duty. Ray knocks on Adam's door with great trepidation. Adam tells him the book is in the bathroom, which is currently inhabited by a very angry dog. Turns out Adam stole the dog. He saw the dog's owner treating him poorly while he was tied up at a coffee shop and Adam took it upon himself to steal him (or "rescue" him as he puts it).
Ray is mortified and berates Adam on how wrong that is, even if the owner was a jerk you can't steal a dog, they're like family. Adam finally agrees but asks for Ray's help in returning the dog (who Adam has named "Dog," of course) as his owner was a bit of a meathead and Adam thinks he might need "back up."
Ray is totally flattered by being asked to be someone's muscle and agrees to accompany Adam to Staten Island to find Dog's owners (there was an address on his collar). On the ferry, the two of them have a heart-to-heart about how younger women and older women are the best/easiest to date ("It's the in-betweens that are the problem," says Adam).
This odd couple is suddenly having a real moment and it looks like they each may have found a real friend. But wait, this is "Girls," so probably not.
Marnie is looking for the perfect dress for the "first thing that we're hosting together as a couple" as Shoshonna lays on the bed giving her usual pitch-perfect color commentary. "I mean, no presh, but like, that's like a really big deal. Oh my god can I COME?"
Hannah, no surprise, is struggling to write one sentence of her book. Jessa, still reeling from her ugly break up with Thomas-John, shuffles messily into the room only to spit at Hannah that her book "doesn't matter."
"You are so mean when you're depressed," Hannah responds.
Back on Staten Island, Adam and Ray's bonding is quickly breaking down. Ray (innocently) asks Adam what he saw in Hannah.
'I'm a difficult person, everyone's a difficult person. She was accepting of my brand of difficult; she was okay with it," Adam says, in one of my most favorite lines of this episode.
A few moments later though, Adam turns on Ray completely, I guess offended by his line of questioning, first asking him if he has feelings for Hannah and then getting more pissed when Ray says he's not attracted to her. It's Jekyll and Hyde as Thoughtful Adam is stomped on by Crazy Adam and Crazy Adam shoves Ray and abandons him with Dog. Oh Thoughtful Adam, we hardly knew ya.
Hannah attends the opening event that Marnie is hosting with Booth-Jonathan and is completely uncomfortable as Marnie (in a Judy Jetson dress) is too busy hobnobbing with the fabulous artistes to listen as she tries to tell her the big news about her e-book deal.
Hannah can't take it and leaves promptly. Down in the wine cellar (!?), Booth-Jonathan tells Marnie he'll give her $500 for her services and she realizes he's hired her to be his hostess. She says she thought she was his girlfriend and he scoffs. Their relationship ends, with B-J breaking several bottles of wine and whining about how no one really likes him, they just want to be with what he "represents."
Ray finally finds Dog's house, and is verbally accosted by the petulant teenage daughter of Dog's owner. She refuses to take Dog back, spews a bunch of really offensive anti-semitic slurs at Ray and marches off, warning him that her Dad will likely harm him when he gets home.
That night, Hannah continues to struggle starting her book and calls Marnie. The two exchange an entirely fictitious conversation, Marnie saying that the party went great and Hannah relaying that her book is coming along swimmingly. There are several long, aching moments of silence as each of them bite their tongues against the ugly truth. "Love you, bye," they each say. Hannah punches her pillow in frustration.
In the final scene, Ray and Dog are sitting on a bench looking at the city. Ray breaks down sobbing as Dog whines by his side.
This episode was a welcome change from the insular, character study-ish plot of last week's. I think Dunham's main goal (given the episode's title) was to show how the boys in the series are just as confused and emotionally underdeveloped as the girls. Ray is without a doubt the moral compass and anchor of maturity of the show, and even he was left in tears by the end.
I hope he keeps Dog, though.