“They know I saved the city. They know I won the war,” Joffrey boasts. Will somebody pleeeease make Joffrey shut up?

Also: Dubrovnik is beautiful. Who wants to go?

On the road to Meereen

Daenerys is cuddling with her black dragon, which is surprisingly cute. But he turns and nearly bites her at one point.

“They can never be tamed, even by their mother,” Ser Jorah warns her.

A new actor has been hired to play Daario, who continues to charm Dany, offering her flowers. She smiles, and seems kind of sweet on him. 

As her army marches on, Dany learns the Meereenese have killed a slave and posted the corpse each mile on the road to the city. There are 163 miles to go.

Dany insists on looking each dead slave in the face as she marches on. Methinks this will not be good for the Meereenese.

Castle Black

First: Jon is alive!

Second: He’s facing a trial of sorts at Castle Black, and admits to killing Qhorin Halfhand and having sex with Ygritte.

He warns them of a pending wildling attack from both the north and the south.

Maester Aemon sticks up for Jon, and he’s allowed to live. (Whew! There are precious few Starks left, as it is.)

On the road from The Twins

The Hound and Arya are riding together, when they spot the child-murderer Polliver, who killed Arya’s friend and stole her sword, Needle. 

They enter a bar. They’re outnumbered. They don’t care because they’re The Hound and Arya.

The Hound demands a chicken. No, two chickens. He has no money. He doesn't care because he's The Hound. He downs beer like a man. And, 56 minutes into the 59-minute episode, we get to see some killing.

The Hound busts up a whole lot of dudes, and Arya comes in like an ice-cold assassin. She repeats Polliver’s words back to him and she slips a blade into his throat. Brutal.

(An aside: This scene played out much different from the books. The Tickler was there and Arya went nuts and The Hound got injured. But HBO's version was fine with me. I kind of prefer my girl Arya as a cold-blooded killer, rather than a maniacal one.)

So, in the end, the Stark family lost one sword (Ice) to the Lannisters, but gained another (Needle) back. Hence, the title “Two Swords.”

Don’t you love it when episodes have symmetry like that?

Episode grade: A-