By Luke Broadwater
The Baltimore Sun
9:00 AM EDT, May 20, 2013
Meet Samwell Tarly, the zombie slayer.
In a horror-movie-style closing scene in Sunday’s ‘Thrones’ episode, Sam came face-to-face with a seemingly unbeatable foe: A White Walker.
With Gilly’s baby in danger, Sam wielded his broadsword, which the frozen-zombie easily shattered, casting the overweight, cowardly Night’s Watchman to the snow-covered ground. But then Sam pulled out his obsidian blade, the dragonglass knife he found on the Fist of the First Men.
Gathering his courage, Sam charged The Other, stabbing him in the back. The result – a spectacular killing – was huge for Sam and huge for the human race.
Until now, Sam was the weakest of the weak, a walking embarrassment to the Night’s Watch. Now, he’s done what few others in Westeros could even dream of accomplishing: The slaying of ghoulish, supernatural being. And, more importantly, now he knows the secret to killing White Walkers: Dragonglass.
There might be some hope for humanity yet.
On the road to The Twins
Being The Hound’s captive isn’t as terrible as Arya thought it would be.
Instead of torturing and killing the younger Stark sister, Sandor Clegane simply wants to ransom her to her mom and brother.
The Hound tells Arya he’s taking her to her uncle’s wedding at The Twins.
“You don’t want to be alone out here girl,” he says.
(Like Jaime Lannister, The Hound is making the transition from a villian to a more complex, decent character.)
Outside of Yunkai, where she’s planning a siege, Daenerys meets the leaders of The Second Sons, a renowned 2,000-man mercenary group, including the profane, misogynistic Mero and the mysterious Daario Nahari.
She tries to convince them to join forces with her, but the sellswords are already being paid to defend Yunkai.
Mero makes several lustful passes (most of which can't be printed in a family newspaper) at Dany, who laughs him off.
“After the battle, maybe we’ll all share you,” he says.
Realizing they cannot defeat Dany’s Unsullied warriors in open battle, The Second Sons plot to kill her.
But their plot backfires, when Daario kills his co-conspirators and brings Dany their severed heads.
“The Second Sons are yours and so is Daario Nahari,” he tells her.
Two severed heads might seem like a weird way to try to pick up a typical woman, but, hey, Daenerys Targaryen is no typical woman.
Melisandre starts to seduce Gendry, but ties him up on a bed instead.
With his shirt off, she starts placing blood-sucking leeches on him. As they suck the royal blood from Gendry’s bastard body, giving power to Melisandre’s dark magic, she gives the leeches to Stannis Baratheon to throw into the fire.
He curses the names of Robb Stark, Balon Greyjoy and Joffrey Baratheon.
I know this dark magic works (cases in point: Renly Baratheon's assassination and The Lightning Lord's ressurection) but it's a mystery how it will work against Robb, Balon and Joffrey.
It’s a big day at King’s Landing, as the king’s uncle, Tyrion Lannister, is getting married to Sansa Stark.
But the king’s mom, Cersei, and his bride-to-be, Margaery Tyrell, aren’t playing nice.
“We’re going to be sisters soon. We should be friends,” Margaery says, trying to win over the queen as she has everyone else in town.
As a response, Cersei tells her the story of how Lord Tywin destroyed the upstart House of Reyne, subtly comparing that vanquished family to the Tyrells.
Then she decides not to be so subtle.
“If you ever call me ‘sister' again, I’ll have you strangled in your sleep,” Cersei says.
Sansa enters for the wedding, but her tormentor, the horrible Joffrey steps in to give her away.
Joffrey removes the stool on which Tyrion needs to stand to cloak Sansa in the ceremonial wedding coat, causing embarrassment for the imp and scoring mild laughter from the audience.
Sansa eventually bows down to allow Tyrion to place the cloak over her shoulders, something she refuses to do in the books.
At the reception, Tyrion gets extraordinarily drunk, while his father insists that Tyrion impregnate Sansa immediately.
Meanwhile, Joffrey is tormenting Sansa, and threatens to rape her on her wedding night.
“Maybe I’ll pay you a visit tonight after my uncle passes out,” he says.
Joffrey then attempts to instigate a “bedding ceremony,” which Tyrion flatly rejects, thrusting his knife into the table.
He treatens to cut off his nephew’s, um, other head, and Joffrey becomes incensed, but Tywin intercedes.
“Your uncle is clearly quite drunk, Your Grace,” he says.
Alone in their bedroom, Tyrion is kind to the 14-year-old Sansa and says they don’t have to have sex unless she wants to do so.
“I won't share your bed, not until you want me to,” Tyrion tells her.
“What if I never want you to?” she replies.
“And so my watch begins,” Tyrion deadpans.
Then he passes out drunk.
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