Amy Watts is off for a birthday dinner tonight, at a joint too classy to have a TV above the bar (two Manhattans and she gets all CAPSLOCK!, three and she loves spats).
Reality sets in! Week two begins.
Grand entrance: No eliminations last week, so all the stars are still with us: Kellie Pickler and Derek Hough, Victor Ortiz and Lindsay Arnold, Ingo Rademacher and Kym Johnson, Lisa Vanderpump and Gleb Savchenko, D. L. Hughley and Cheryl Burke, Zendaya and Val Chmerkovskiy, Sean Lowe and Peta Murgatroyd, Alexandra Reitsman and Mark Ballas, Dorothy Hamill and Tristan MacManus, Wynonna Judd and Tony Jovolani, Andy Dick and Sharna Burgess, and Jacoby Jones and Karina Smirnoff.
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Tonight Brooke has gone full Kardashian in magenta jersey with midriff windows and flatironed hair.
First up: Ingo and Kym doing the quickstep. In rehearsal, Kym tells him to dance like he has a penny up his butt. They’re dressed in black and white ‘40s wear and his shiny shoes are easy to track on the floor. It’s a sweet, cheerful number. Len is grinning! and says bingo! good frame but hit and miss footwork. Bruno declares it a bonanza of tricky steps. Carrie disagrees with Len and says his frame was off, which sets off a squabble at the judges’ table that Tom cuts short by sending the couple up the stairs. Scores: 6, 7, 7, with the 6 from Carrie, for a total with last week’s scores of 40 out of 60.
Tom teases us with high jinks and high drama to come.
Dorothy Hamill and Tristan MacManus, who Tom calls “Mr. Hair Gel,” are next. Dorothy confesses the jive terrifies her the most, and rehearsal reveals a pinched nerve, a weak ankle, and a good bit of doubt. They dance to Chantilly Lace but the vocalist is no Big Bopper. Dorothy is wearing pretty wingtip flats, which make her dancing less ballroom and more jumping-around-the-living-room-in-bedroom-slippers. Toward the end she gets stuck on an under-the-legs slide and by the end it’s clear she’s mostly glad to have it done. Bruno is so disappointed he stays in his chair but kindly gives her notes to work on. Carrie says her problem was fear more than her ankle and hopes she hangs in. Len laments undelivered promise and says he thought she was going to go from the slide into "Splash" (celebrity diving show, whatever) and the audience boos.
Jacoby Jones and Karina get the first jazz dance of the season. He says, “I wasn’t nervous in the Super Bowl, do you think I’d get nervous for this?” and Karina gives him a shove. She’s too smart to pull his finger during rehearsal but he cuts one without help. Karina brings in some friends, a troupe of tiny girls, and yes, Jacoby in their midst is as cute as you’d think. They taunt him mercilessly.
They start with Karina on Jacoby’s shoulders, under a very tall trenchcoat, in sepiascope. Music is Five Guys Named Moe. Karina’s costumers have forgotten her shirt. It’s a fun dance, with mirrored footwork and some comedy lifts. His mother’s in the audience, looking lovely in black velvet.
Carrie is smiling and says the dance was rocking! and Jacoby’s lines are fantastic. Jacoby makes a show of fixing his posture for Len and seems to have overheard Kym telling Ingo to dance like he has a penny up his butt. Len says the dance was fun and full of razzamatazz, and that jazz will play to Jacoby’s strengths, which he hopes will carry to his other numbers; he loved it. Bruno is out of his chair and says it had wit, charm, and energy.
Brooke asks if Karina or the mini dancers were tougher; Jacoby says it was like being in a house where they took up all the bathrooms. They taught him his jazz hands.
Judges scores: Carrie Ann: 8; Len: 7; Bruno: 8. 23 out of 30, combined with last week’s scores to make 43 out of 60. Jacoby says not bad, he’s got some more work to do.
Tom says last week Len dared Victor the boxer to knock his socks off, which seems unwise. Victor says the jive is tough, with lots of coordination. Lindsay (the other blonde from last season’s "So You Think You Can Dance," Whitney’s friend) talks him out of a sulk-off when it gets hard.
They sparkle in red and Victor does a standing leap over her shoulders, but Victor’s moves are more enthusiastic than precise. Len says it has energy and fun but his socks are still in place; speed came in and style went out. He calls it scruffy. The audience boos. Bruno says Victor is a runaway train but says parts looked like a zumba dance and tells him to hit the beat, not go through the beat, and keep his feet under him; and his advice on where Victor should keep his butt makes Carrie hit her head on the desk. She would like to give Victor bonus points for charisma but the footwork won’t let her.
Up in the box, Victor tells Brooke that Lindsay works so hard, it makes him feel bad. Sixes all around from the judges, so 36 out of 60.
Wynonna next; she was surprised by how much fun she had last week, but her goal for this week is not to pee her pants because she’s scared of the jive. Tony says this week they’re mall cops, “so bored with pulling people over for fashion sense that they just want to dance.” Wynonna says the quickstep is the hardest physical work she’s done in a long time; we have scenes of great emotion.
They enter the ballroom on police segways, with flashers. Tony has clearly escaped the Village People and Wynonna is on the run from playing Big Mama in a road production of Chicago. They’re dancing to the Neutron Dance but the choreography is soft, without any punch or daring.
Tom says Tony is a Super Mario Brother lookalike. Bruno says Wynonna’s assets need security at all times, but their quickstep ended up as a casual stroll. Carrie says her frame and movement are beautiful but Wynonna is playing it very safe. Len says she’s entertaining but never got out of first gear. The audience boos.
Wynonna tells Brooke she needed her handcuffs to put on Len, but Len clearly feels unjustly accused. Carrie: 6; Len: 6; Bruno: 6; she’s tied with Victor.
Tom says as soon as Wynonna mentioned handcuffs, Len said “Call me” (this is where Amy would say I LOVE TOM, with double-Manhattan capsies).