ELIZABETH BERKLEY LAUREN, BRUNO TONIOLI

Elizabeth Berkley Lauren and Bruno Tonioli (Adam Taylor / ABC / October 21, 2013)

I miss one week and there was "Game of Thrones" shenanigans and they didn't kick anybody off? I can't turn my back on the mirror ball for a second.

Tonight starts with a pros/troupe routine that has a song my parents probably hated and a lot of neon. So, a total miss for the entire Watts family.

Brooke is wearing what appears to be lace accented with electrical tape. I double-dog-dare her to try and sit down in that thing.  Tom Bergeron says that next week's guest judge will be Cher. I. Cannot. Wait. That's going to be a hoot. Cher's at both the age and point in her career where she says WHATEVER she thinks. It's marvelous to behold.

Elizabeth Berkley Lauren & Val Chmerkovskiy

Quickstep

Elizabeth & Val got a perfect score last week. Val is pushing her really hard during rehearsals, because he thinks she has tremendous potential. She gets it and doesn't seem to be upset with him.

There's some weird business at the beginning with a "DWTS News" bit and a "War of the Worlds" reference. When the music starts, it seems more like a jive song than a quickstep. Huh?

Len says it was "full of content," even if they lost body contact occasionally. Bruno blathers. Carrie Ann says Elizabeth is making the transition from jazz dancer to ballroom dancer.

Judges' Scores: Carrie Ann: 9; Len: 9; Bruno: 9

Brant Daugherty & Peta Murgatroyd

Jive

Oh yay. Peta & Brant doing the pretty girl/nerd thing. STOP IT.

The jive always looks like such a workout. I get tired just watching it. My cabana boy has to fan me with the fronds EVEN FASTER.

Oh NO! Brant rips off Peta's top skirt and doesn't fling it far enough away and subsequently trips on it during a later move.

Bruno liked how much jive content they packed into the routine but points out they lost timing a couple of times. Carrie Ann says she likes seeing a "hot, hunky guy" being funny. I think Carrie Ann and my mom may be the only people alive who still say "hunky." Carrie Ann says that she thought the routine may have been a touch too challenging for Brant, but that he did really well with it anyway. Len liked that he challenged himself.

Judges' Scores: Carrie Ann: 9; Len: 9; Bruno: 9

Brant says, "After I slipped on the skirt, I thought the whole thing was over. It's a metaphor for my life, really." Please, please, please, can we hire him to replace Brooke? He's at least as pretty as she is and smarter and funnier.

Leah Remini & Tony Dovolani

Salsa

Oh dear. They're out of sync from the very beginning. This is not good. Also, Leah is wearing some SERIOUS support hose. Even my 96-year-old grandmother might go for something a little more sheer.