First off, big thanks to Diane Trap for filling in for me Monday night. I only had the one Manhattan, but then there was the glass of wine... and one never wants to recap under the influence. Or maybe one does, but only in a more measured way in the privacy of one's own home.
Tonight we start with a jazzy routine choreographed by Jason Gilkinson and danced by the pros and the troupe.
First we see Dorothy's routine being called a mess, which she readily agrees with. Then Carrie Ann hits her head on her own arm, bouncing off her spiked bracelet, then worrying about whether said bracelet has put a hole in her head. I have no doubt that if it had, we are in the presence of a makeup team that has a dab hand with some spackle.
- 'Dancing with the Stars' recap, Wynonna asks for handcuffs, Jacoby Jones compares DWTS to the Super Bowl
- Jacoby Jones gets jazzed up on 'Dancing with the Stars'
- 'Dancing with the Stars' Season 16 cast [Pictures]
- Baltimore Ravens' DVD premiere [Pictures]
- Athletes on 'Dancing with the Stars'
- Maryland celebrities [Pictures]
- VIDEO Ravens' Jacoby Jones teaching his touchdown dance
Oh, dear. Wynonna in a cop's outfit somehow manages to look even more drag queen-y. I mean, I love me some drag queens, but generally women do not aspire to be mistaken for one. Unless it's RuPaul. And don't we all kind of want to be RuPaul.
In a shocking turn of events, the young Disney star, with dance training and legs up to her chin, turns out to be quite good on this show, as we find out when Bruno praises Zendaya.
Gleb warns Lisa before their routine to not "get distracted" - AND THEN HE UNBUTTONS HIS SHIRT. She's only human, Gleb. Despite the shirt unbuttoning, the judges weren't fans. Andy Dick apparently did something crazy involving Alice in Wonderland that inspired Len to use one of my favorite British expressions: "Oh my giddy aunt."
D.L. had another tough week; Aly had the "best routine of the night"; Len didn't "get" Sean's routine at all and was heckled by an audience member about being cranky. Susan Powter, I mean Kellie Pickler did well enough to get a high five from Carrie Ann.
First results: Ingo and Kym (who have to hear their names called THREE times before getting it. With Brooke's diction getting hilariously more pronounced each time.) are safe. Sean and Peta are safe. Wynonna and Tony are also safe. Wynonna looks rightly disbelieving. Victor and Lindsay are in jeopardy.
Tom quips, "Our first three couples safe, our audience already an ugly mob..." before announcing that Zendaya and Val won the Twitter competition to do the encore dance.
Encore dance. It makes me so happy to see Zendaya getting dance training that's forcing her to not hunch over despite her height. So many teenage girls seem to shy away from their full height, especially when they're as tall as she is. I myself am Snooki-sized, so I never, ever dreamed of standing up anything less than straight.
Tom asks Aly if it's hard to remember all the steps and she answers that it's harder for her to "count" the music. Tom points out that it's an even bigger challenge if you can't remember, right before you dance, where you put your partner, and then rolls video of that happening last night. I like the friendly stagehand guy who offers to go out on the floor with her if Mark doesn't show up. Oh, and Aly and Mark are safe.
In a post-show interview last night, D.L. said he and Cheryl went from being "Bobby and Whitney to that couple on 'Silver Linings.'" They're safe and he's so stunned he drops to one knee. Cheryl follows him to the floor, as does Tom to finish the interview. Such a pro, our Tom.
Gleb tells Lisa that she's just going to "have to sleep with Len," and Lisa happily agrees, adding that she thinks Len is cute and she likes older men. Watch it Lisa -- I'm guessing anyone who's just married Len will have nerves of steel and isn't afraid to fight for her man. Oh my goodness, I think Len is actually blushing. Even through the spray tan. Despite the shameless flirting, Len and Gleb are in jeopardy.
Plug for Jeri Ryan and "Body of Proof" before Brooke interviews Victor and Andy. And then it's time for the "reality check" clip montage. Guess what? The stars find it's harder than they thought.
And here's Icona Pop with "I Love It." Oh, hey! I like this song but I didn't know who sang it. Oh, of course I like it -- it's Swedish dance music and my BABBAC (Blood ABBA Content) at any given moment is around .02.
And now it's clips to introduce the new troupe members and pros. There's Witney (I swear, she spells it without the H), Lindsay's friend and fellow SYTYCD alum. She describes being on DWTS as her "lifelong dream" and I officially feel even older than I did with a birthday yesterday. Judging by the screams in the ballroom, Gleb's already got several members in his fan club.
Still think Jacoby's suspender snap at the end is adorable. Backstage after the routine, he tells Karina, "I told you on game day I was gonna make the faces but during practice I be tired, woman!" Hahahaha.
Dang - Kellie REALLY needs to chat more with the hair and makeup people. She's a year YOUNGER than Derek but looks more like a decade older than him when they're walking together down the hall.
Val and Zendaya have a pre-routine "secret handshake" routine and I dig it. That's adorable. Val shows a silly side in the post-routine interview and I like it a lot on him. More silly, Val, please!
Zenday and Val are safe. Kellie and Derek are safe. Jacoby and Karina are safe. And the "worried" face Jacoby made waiting for the results is hilarious. And then he does a touchdown dance for the safe results. I might be getting a crush on Mr. Jones.