By Sarah Haller and Chris Kinling
7:07 AM EDT, July 10, 2012
This season seems shorter than usual, which we suppose can be attributed to Emily's quick dismissal of any dude that remotely dislikes children. We probably wouldn't be friends with her -- we dislike most children we meet.
This week Emily joins the final three bachelors, Jef with one f, Arie ("Speed Racer") and Sean ("Biceps"), in Curacao.
Private island date
Sarah: Finally the producers take control of date planning. Emily and Sean take a helicopter ride to a private island, snorkel and then enjoy a dinner on the beach with hundreds of couch pillows. Sean wrote a letter to Ricki about what Emily means to him and how he hopes to be a great dad. Smart move -- it's easy to write a love letter, but Emily's priority is her kid.
Chris: Whatever bug is in the background of their dinner date is driving me nuts. Chris Harrison offers them the overnight card and at first it seems like they've both accepted. After dry humping in the hot tub, Emily boots him out because "she's a mom." Any girl who invites you back to her room under false pretenses is not worth marrying.
They're on a boat
Sarah: Emily and Jef with one f pretend to captain a huge sailboat and spend the afternoon jumping off cliffs. After dinner, the overnight card arrives. Surprise, Jef turns her down! His Mormon parents are apparently as judgmental as her 6-year-old daughter.
Chris: I don't think it's fair to force Chris Harrison to write these fantasy suite cards if they are not going to take advantage of it. His penmanship is excellent.
The most disgusting kisses on primetime television
Sarah: Is the idea of winning the reason for all these professions of love? I feel bad for Emily because it's easy to fall in love with a good-looking guy that treats you well and tells you what you want to hear.
Arie is doing everything he's supposed to do, but there's something up with him that I can't put my finger on. She doesn't give him the overnight card at all because she "doesn't trust herself."
Chris: Arie seems harmless. I don't think it will matter who she chooses -- she seems like she'd be happy with any of them. Chris Harrison should put everyone's name in a hat and let her choose.
This rose ceremony is too long for two roses
Sarah: I think she needs to consult with Chris Harrison more often and quite opining to herself about how this is such a hard decision and she's falling in love with all of them and doesn't want to let the right person go, etc, etc, boo hoo. Especially because she got rid of the right one. Here's my vote for Sean to be the next Bachelor. But get some hair plugs or something to fix that thinning hair, or we'll just make fun of you all season.
Chris: I wonder what Jef and Arie talked about while Emily comforted Sean. Hair products? Being edgy? How they both don't really want to be parents but are pretending they do to win over Emily?
The Final Two
Arie, 30 "Speed Racer" -- I hope she doesn't pick him in the end. There's something untrustworthy about him.
Jef with one f, 27 -- I guess Jef will be a decent choice. She's screwed either way unless she dumps them both and calls up Sean.
Update on the Bachelor Pad
The cast has been revealed! From this season of "The Bachelorette," we'll have the honor of putting up with Kalon's butt chin, Lieutenant Dan and Tony (the lumber trading guy that got kicked off early). The twist this season is that the cast will also include a mix of "fans." It worked for "Survivor," but not sure how this will play out.
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