With this season of "The Bachelorette," almost over, we break down some of the show's highs and lows.
Best pirate beard: Ryan ("Fluff Head")
Chris: It took weeks to cultivate and then hours of pre-date pruning to perfect. Jack Sparrow has nothing on Ryan's perfectly coiffed facial fur. However, do any women find this look attractive?
Best hairless chest: Sean ("Biceps")
Sarah: The majority of bachelors this season sported bare chests. For the record, I only support waxing for dudes with a patchy growth pattern. This trend makes it like a bare chest is requirement to be on the show. As evidence, the two finalists are pretending to be pre-pubescent -- though Jef might not be pretending. The minute Sean took off his shirt in front of Emily's friends in the second episode was the same minute that I decided he should be the winner. He turned out to be a decent guy too.
Best use of brutal honesty: "Ricki is baggage."
Chris: In episode 5 (London), Kalon ("Helicopter Guy") referred to Emily's daughter as baggage, prompting her to get "West Virginia hood rat backwoods on his ass," and send him packing. Does Emily react the same way when a guy accuses her of having blond hair or big teeth?
Best jaw-dropping scene: Sean lives with his parents
Sarah: Sean's confession of living with his parents, followed by the tour of his stuffed-animal-dirty-dish-filled room, was the first time my jaw physically dropped in the history of "The Bachelor/Bachelorette." Even though it was soon revealed as a joke, I so wanted it to be true.
Worst excuse not to participate in an overnight: "I'm a mom."
Chris: Give me a break. Unless I flunked high school science, you've obviously bumped uglies in the past, so why not do it again? Your credibility as a good mother already went out the window when you exploited your child for sympathy points earlier in the season.
Worst gimmick: Travis and the egg
Sarah: I understand the need for a gimmick to ensure that the Bachelorette remembers you. However, it should be for something good -- like smelling nice or bringing her a gift. It definitely should not be for carrying around a real ostrich egg, naming it Shelly and telling Emily that it symbolizes how you would take care of their future family.
Worst case of the past repeating itself: Emily & Arie ("Speed Racer")
Chris: Her first fiance, NASCAR driver Ricky Hendrick, died in a plane crash on his way to a race. Coincidentally, she's falling for Arie, an IndyCar driver. Any other person in her situation would run in the opposite direction of that mess.
Worst exit speech: Chris ("Lieutenant Dan")
Sarah: I never trusted the beady-eyed, small-mouthed Lieutenant Dan. His exit speech in the limo confirmed my suspicions -- he's a rat-faced jerk. His aggression was scary and borderline violent. Bachelor and Bachelorette fans prefer their exit speeches one of two ways: Lots of crying mixed with confessions of love, or trying to avoid tears while blaming your dismissal on someone else. Don't mess with the system!
Worst of the worst: Jef with one f
Sarah & Chris: One thing we agree on is that spelling the name Jeff without both f's is absurd and pretentious. Is the missing f a birth certificate typo or an attempt to attract attention to your "edgy" lifestyle? Here's hoping it's the former.Copyright © 2014, The Baltimore Sun