Ed ("Adam Corolla"), 32 -- we see a future stint on celebrity rehab. Is he a celebrity?

Rachel ("Snaggle Tooth"), 27 -- not sure what Michael sees in her. She's going to start crying any second.

Jaclyn ("Muppet"), 27 -- definitely the least attractive person (inside and out) in the entire "Bachelor" series.

David ("Frosted Tips"), 28 -- who gave you that feminine tank top? This is only the second time we've seen anyone where that tank top ever (man or woman). The first offender was Fluff Head Ryan from last season of "The Bachelorette."

Jamie ("Gloves"), 25 -- we hope David doesn't continue his useless crush on this waste of space.

Sarah ("Praying Mantis"), 28 -- she was the swing vote on keeping Ed and getting rid of Reid. Why would anyone want to spend another second with Ed?

Erica ("Plastic Princess"), 31 -- if we lived in this house, she'd be the most annoying. Since we only get a few sound bites, she's our favorite.

Lindzi ("Horse Girl"), 27 -- she only appeared a few times on this episode, and each of those times she was pressed against Kalon's butt chin.

Michael ("Puppy"), 28 -- the reason he hasn't found love is because he wants it too badly. You're only 28, get a grip!

Still working on nicknames for these contestants -- comment with your suggestions!

Nick, 27-- Ashley the dentist dumped him on the "Bachelorette" for being too reserved

Tony, 31 -- previously known as Woody, Emily dumped him early on after he cried about missing his kid.