www.baltimoresun.com/entertainment/bthesite/tv-lust/bal-bachelor-pad-recap-episode-1-it-begins-20120724,0,4488773.story

baltimoresun.com

'Bachelor Pad' recap, episode 1, Invasion of the fans

By Sarah Haller and Chris Kinling

7:26 AM EDT, July 24, 2012

Advertisement

Now in its third season and running low on "Bachelor"/"Bachelorette" rejects, "Bachelor Pad" pulls a card from "Survivor" to stay alive.

This season combines old contestants with the show's hyper fans. It's good to bring some fresh faces into the mix, but we all enjoy the has-been contestants more. If the fans are nuts enough, which we suppose they have to be, this is going to be epic.

How it works

Here's the gist of the show for first-time viewers: All the contestants are single and live together in an absurd mansion. Each episode, the contestants pair into couples to compete (usually with the person they are hooking up with and/or want to hook up with).

The winners receive a rose, are safe from elimination and are rewarded with a date. At the end of each episode, the men select one woman to send home and the women select one man to send home. The last remaining couple then must choose between love and money: Either $250,000 for themselves or split the cash and remain a couple.

First night shenanigans

Sarah: Twins are a bit much -- they are competing as one contestant, so if one gets asked out on a date, they both go. Does that mean they both make out with the same guy? I was concerned about the addition of the fans, but they made the right casting choices: They are all young, good-looking people with distinctive personalities.

Chris: Almost immediately after entering the house, Ed is three sheets to the wind and takes off his clothes. He even interrupts Chris Harrison's welcome speech for a quick dip in the pool. Why isn't everyone as drunk as him? No work, no responsibilities, you might as well have a good time.

Falling for love

Sarah: For all those that knock "Survivor," at least their competitions are more interesting. These fools just had to wedge themselves into a metal heart and hold that position longer than everyone else. At least Twins won and will be around for another week. They paired with David, so the three got to go on a date. They spend the evening at the Santa Monica Pier, and end it with skinny dipping, obviously.

Chris: It would have made more sense for the contestants to take of their shirts and hike up their shorts to stick to the metal heart. That's probably what the producers intended for them to do. Did the empty hearts at the end of the competition symbolize the lack of a possibility of true love throughout the "Bachelor"/"Bachelorette"/"Bachelor Pad" series?

House drama

Sarah: Lt. Dan partners with Blakely, and then gets caught making out with Jamie.  It's all in the game, but he never should have paired up with Blakeley knowing her raging lunatic past. I love Plastic Princess even though she is dumber than a bag of hammers and the majority of her body is plastic, she has no filter, making her insults more brilliant than my own.

Chris: Blakeley keeps threatening to donkey punch Lt. Dan for his behavior, but she obviously doesn't know what this means, unless she's hiding something in her pants. I can't believe they spend more than 20 minutes trying to figure out who's going home. How hard is it to count the votes on your fingers?

The rose ceremony

Sarah: Paige, easily the most naturally pretty on the show, got kicked off. She wouldn't have caused drama anyway, so it's for the best.

Chris: Chris goes by "SWAT," is 28 going on 40 and is as backwoods as they come. Where did they find this guy and how can he possibly be a fan of the show? I'm sorry he's leaving.

The remaining contestants

Plastic Princess (Erica R.), 31 -- dumped by Lorenzo, but known more as a regular on "Bachelor Pad." She also knows Butt Chin from the "Houston social scene."

Lt. Dan (Chris B.), 25 -- Emily dumped him on "The Bachelorette"

Horse Girl (Lindzi), 27 -- she dodged the bullet in Ben's season of "The Bachelor"

Snaggle Tooth (Rachel), 27 -- sorry, the name still sticks. Ben dumped her on "The Bachelor" for obvious reasons.

Muppet (Jaclyn), 27 -- dumped by Ben early on. May or may not be bisexual.

Butt Chin (Kalon), 27 -- dumped by Emily after he referred to her daughter as baggage.

Twins (Erica T. & Brittany), 22 -- These ladies are playing as one contestant. Does that mean they have to hook up with the same guy?

Still working on nicknames for these contestants -- comment with your suggestions:

(Nick), 27 -- Ashley the dentist dumped him on "The Bachelorette" for being too reserved.

(Ed), 32 -- won Jillian's season of 'The Bachelorette," got engaged and then cheated on her.

(Sarah), 28 -- dumped by Brad on his first time around when she couldn't tell the difference between him and his twin brother.

(Ryan), 32 -- dumped by DeAnna on the Bachelorette, most likely because he was a 28-year-old virgin. He is now a 32-year-old virgin. He also doesn't drink.

(Reid), 33 -- rejected twice by Jillian, first as the runner up on "The Bachelorette," then again after the show.

 (Tony), 31 -- previously known as Woody, Emily dumped him early on after he cried about missing his kid.

(Blakeley), 34 -- previously known as "Vivian Ward," Ben dumped her old ass on "The Bachelor."

(Jamie), 25 -- previously known as "Party of Five," Ben dumped her on "The Bachelor" after she jumped on top of him.

(Michael), 28 -- dumped by Jillian on "The Bachelorette," then by Holly on "The Bachelor Pad." He won last year's "Bachelor Pad." Everyone loves him, but he's too nice for his own good.

(Donna), 22 -- the "Bachelor"/"Bachelorette" veterans targeted the fans on this elimination round. Donna made the cut because of her banging body.

(David), 28 -- bad strategist and can't count. You'll be gone in the next episode.