Let's start with the local disappointment: Spencer Horsman, brought back by Howard for the wildcard round, who escaped from a vest of locks while wet cement tumbled down on him, was eliminated along with ballsy balancing act Cristin Sandu. Hacky ventriloquist Todd Oliver and his dog/puppet Irving stays winning somehow.
Horsman going home for a second time was unfortunate, but it was par for the course in a night that found the show's more middling acts moving on. Part of this must be placed on the judges, who temporarily turned the show into "The Voice" by celebrating their acts and only their acts, and as a result, never doing all that much judging which does indeed, guide the viewers at home.
First up was Sebastien "El Charro De Orro," the Bandbaz Brothers, and Ben Blaque, all three of which would've made my top four. Sebastien who deserved it, did win, yet Howard, whose petulance and self-seriousness knows no bounds, didn't even stand to clap for the kid.
We were then forced to endure a performance from the upcoming broadway musical version of Generation Y classic and cheerleader comedy "Bring It On." The performance was lethargic and seemed to be held together only by globs of auto-tune stuck on everybody's vocals.
After that, and because "America's Got Talent" often seems like its rule and structure are improvised, Nick Cannon informed viewers that they could vote for an act from the previous season to perform in an upcoming episode.
The choices are season one's funny man/magic man Nathan Burton, season two's masked hip-hop dance crew, Jabbawockeez, and season five's Prince Poppycock, best described as David Bowie meets Lucien and Fagan, from that impossibly lame skit from mid-90s "Saturday Night Live."
Then, it was back to the competition, with Horse, Jake Wesley Rogers, and Andrew De Leon up for elimination. If there is one thing you can depend on when leaving a vote up to the American people, it would be to pick the goofball who gets hit in the balls, right? Wrong. De Leon was the winner. Man, America doesn't know anything!
Horse, always a good sport, tweeted this out, not long after the show: "Journey is over! Amazing time! still can't believe they even let me on the show! Won't be the last you see of me!" How soon is Horse absorbed into the infamous "wack pack" of Stern's morning radio show? Hopefully, as soon as possible.
Then, it was the elimination that took out Baltimore's Spencer Horsman, followed by a performance of "Good Time," from Owl City featuring Carly Rae Jepsen.
This Owl City character, whose career hinges on ripping off indie-electro group the Postal Service, has now gone party pop. But the problem with the performance was easier to diagnose: Quite simply, Jepsen wasn't there performing the unstoppable "Call Me Maybe."
Real quick, let's just acknowledge this weird synchronized dance that Howard and Sharon did from their seats during the performance. They just waved their hands back and forth, like they were robots from the "It's a Small World" ride at Disney World, or something? That happened.
Last up were Jarrett and Raja, All That!, and Lindsey Norton. Jarrett and Raja got the axe right away, which Howard called "a crime." And so, it was left up to the judges to decide between All That! and Norton, but really, Sharon because both were her picks.
She compared picking between these two garbage acts to a "Sophie's Choice" which might have been the most insane moment of the evening. Ultimately, Sharon went with All That! Of course she did.
So, there you have it, tossed into the competition are pure of heart mariachi singer Sebastien "El Charro De Orro," Andrew De Leon, who is like the Crow with a soprano, Todd Oliver, a comedian ready to swerve into Jeff Dunham's lane, and All That!, who look like they should play some heavies in "Breaking Bad: The Musical," if such a thing ever happens.
Too bad about Horsman. Same for Horse, but that dude's crotch could probably use a break, right?Copyright © 2014, The Baltimore Sun