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'American Idol' recap, Boys night in Hollywood

MusicAmerican Idol (tv program)PoetryThe Beach BoysSimon CowellRyan Seacrest

Finally after enduring weeks of drama, fighting and little talent during the audition rounds, tonight we got to endure more drama, fighting and little talent all the way in Hollywood.

Where is Simon Cowell when you need him?

Things were mixed up and little and there were a few surprises thrown into the week that we live for -- Hollywood week.

Tonight was all about the fellas. The night started with us being given the opportunity to revisit  our new favorites as well as be introduced to some new faces we didn't see during the auditions.

After our solo, intro round and enduring many cuts -- it's group night!

All of the fellas begin choosing who they'd like to have in their group, picking those with strong voices and stage presence. They select songs and even begin to rehearse. I guess we've all seen the show for years and know the process, so good thinking guys getting a head start an all. Right? Wrong, first surprise of the night: The executive producers -- not the judges, not the viewers but the executive producers -- selected the group members.

Groups are chosen, time to pick a song -- not a song you've rehearsed forever and no better than the original artist but a song from the "Idol" library -- choreograph a routine and master the lyrics all in one night. Sleep? We don't need no stinkin' sleep! This is "American Idol!" (In my Ryan Seacrest voice.)

Nearly half of the guys had been eliminated by group day.

It's show time. Bring it boys!

Group 1 -- The Mat Heads. Nick, Mathenee, Matteus (an early favorite) and Gabe Brown, they were absolutely amazing. What a way to start the show and raise the bar for the other guys. They all made it through to the solo round, singing "Somebody to Love Me."

Group 2 -- Normal Hills. I thought they all were horrible, however we know how much my votes count and Kareem is the only one to get the boot. See ya, Kareem.

We see our social outcast Charlie Askew, and he did it again. Way to go our resident unsocial butterfly, he pulled it off, with some help from his fantastic group mate Curtis Finch. One word: Wow.

Singing "Hold On I'm Coming" Group 3 -- The Four Tones. David, Warren, Micah and Vincent. All made it through to the solo round.

Next up, Group 4 -- The Dudes. Zach, Nate, Cortez (tried to sing Whitney Houston in the first round and made it by the skin of his teeth. "American Idol" lesson number one -- NO WHITNEY!) and Elijah. None of them knew the lyrics and they all made it through to the next round. Forgetting the lyrics during Hollywood week used to be a sure fire way to get yourself a golden ticket back home. Where is Simon when you need him?

The next group equally bad, with seven lyrics to make up the entire song, they too forgot the lyrics and again some were safe. Paul and Will get to sing for us again in the solo round after their group imploded on stage?!?!

Next up: B Side, who absolutely demolished Adam Levine's "Pay Phone." Demolished the song, made a living Adam Levine spin around in his grave and they too go on to the next round.

Seems the judges recognize the foolery that they've subjected us all to, by pushing mediocre singers on to the next level. Also, remember there's not room for everyone and they've done very little eliminating, so they decide to raise the bar. Ya think?

Up next" Last Minute, singing One Direction's "What Makes You Beautiful" and dedicating it to Mariah and Nicki; James, San and Jessie were absolutely horrible! H-O-R-R-I-B-L-E. All sent home.

The only group opting to sing a capella, a decision made by group member Ryan, the four take the stage and Devon, Devin and Adrian join Ryan to take on Adam Levine's "Pay Phone" again. A decent performance that lacked a little excitement as they really didn't have voices strong enough to carry such a cool song, without music. It was Ryan's idea to do the whole a capella thingee -- so Ryan is the only one in the group to not move on to the next round. See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya, Ryan.

The night of repeats with over 200 songs to choose from, we get to hear "Some Kind of Wonderful" again. Tony, Mario, Burnell and Darien take the stage, sing and we'll only get to see Tony and Darien on the next go round.

Now it's Super 55, the group with our Lazaro. We love Lazaro and are still amazed at how he stutters when he speaks but sings and there is no hesitation, just flawless and beautiful. Josh and Scott are sent home and we get to keep Lazaro and Christian. Bravo! How appropriate to sing "Wouldn't It Be Nice" by The Beach Boys. Very nice indeed, Lazaro.

Two words: Country Queen. Lee, JDA, Joel and Trevor. They sucked. Forgot all of the lyrics, sang poorly and were all sent packing.

No sob stories, stupid pet tricks, costumes or antics can save you in Hollywood. Hollywood is where we get to see what you're really made of and our poor little boy band wasn't made of much more than a bunch of cute little 16-year-old faces, one of which America fell in love with after learning of his 35-year life expectancy. Sorry Kayden, it's the end of the road for you and Kevin, cute but not enough chops to keep you in Hollywood, the great thing is that they're only 16, they have plenty of time to practice and come back another year. Sammi and David stay.

The final group. Oz. It was difficult for me to watch this group prep, practice, pray and pout. I wanted to jump through my television every time the subway-train-singing-for-his-meals Frankie made an excuse as to why he wasn't up to par. Sleepy, asthma, tired, not familiar with musical jargon and blah blah blah.

Frankie then had the audacity to burst out in tears moments before hitting the stage. While on stage he had the presence of a wet gym sock and bombed. Then after being sent home had an attitude, cried more and declared that he'd return next year and leave as the next "American Idol." Didn't you say that last week during auditions dude? Just go! Go home Frankie. Thanks.

The other three members of Frankie's group including Papa Peachez, yeah Papa Peachez is still around, I am certain it's due to the name as I've not heard anything produced that says to me Papa Peachez is the next "Idol" and surely I hear nothing that's gonna make me purchase, download or trade a CD by an artist named Papa Peachez, sorry call me old fashioned (or smart!).

Charles, Papa Peachez and the very talented and quirky Adam each stay and there ya have it until tomorrow, when we head into day two of Hollywood week. It's "Idol," baby!

Copyright © 2014, The Baltimore Sun
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MusicAmerican Idol (tv program)PoetryThe Beach BoysSimon CowellRyan Seacrest
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