One Twin has a wardrobe malfunction when the soldier pants she's wearing split from back to front, and all the watching soldiers laugh. Otherwise no drama from them, and they arrive at the Pit Stop in third.

Boyfriend Ryan and The Professor

We know Ryan's a nerd, right? The Route Info sends them to an agricultural academy. Ryan: "I went to UC Davis and that's an agricultural school, what what!!" Abbie points out that if it's numbers or science, Ryan's the guy for the job because he's smart. She's only partly teasing him.

Ryan is very excited to dominate the Roadblock. He knows puzzles and brain games, he’s good at memorizing, they'll be in and out. He actually finishes the quiz before the Professor calls pencils down, and he's gathering up his things while he gets graded. 

"It's not correct."

Ryan is shocked, says he was right, but he tries again.

Six times, seven times, eight times. He rips up the test before turning it in. Another time, "I did six cities this time, just in case." Professor just says his lines over and over.

Test 18. Ryan says he doesn't know why theres a +4 in the Moscow zone if it's not the same time as Moscow. Abbie points out to the camera that he's overthinking. Test 21, his mind short-circuits. "I thought there was a glitch in the Matrix," he says. 

The Professor breaks character and says, "Try to relax."

Ryan answers with, "The file is corrupt."

The Professor chuckles.

Suddenly, feeling hungry, an old, fat hamster wakes up in Ryan's brain and lazily trudges over to a rusty wheel. It begins another hopeless quest for a dried-out piece of cheese dangling forever out of reach, and the power supplied by those four stubby legs creates just enough energy for a two-watt lightbulb in Ryan's brain to crackle faintly to life. He understands. He understands, everyone! He shouts, "I'm so stupid," over and over, and the Professor stands at the front of the room and laughs with glee at Ryan's breakthrough.

Then the Professor quiets his expression and calls for the next round. Ryan finishes it quickly, and the Professor gives him the fakeout. And then they hug! Best scene ever! You can stop reading now because it doesn't get any better.

More stuff that happened

If you're still with me, Goat Farmer Brent was a straight-A student, a teacher's pet. He passes the Roadblock on the first try! After all the drama with Ryan, the Professor is stunned, and he gives another out-of-character line, telling Brent he's a very smart man.

Abbie and Ryan go dancing, and Ryan points out that, "This wasn't Girlfriend Abbie Hat day, this was Dance Instructor Abbie Hat day." Have I told you lately that I love him? With Abbie's coaching, they finish the task and check in with Phil in fourth place.

The Goat Farmers choose the other Detour option, which involves a cocktail party with historic Russian leaders.

"We're very good at cocktail parties," they say.

They have some fun, do some sword fighting, dance with Catherine the Great, get told by Lenin to "be careful with vodka and Russian women." Oh Lenin, you don't know the half of it. They give a final toast to Russia when they finish, and then mention that it was "lively for a dead crowd." Fine, you guys win second place for wit, and fifth place at the Pit Stop.

Megadeth? How about Megadead?

They tried. They went to the police, filed a report, made phone calls. They even ran the Race and did a Speed Bump, although we didn't see much besides them driving around in a limo. It was probably not the best of times, probably not the worst of times, but it was sadly the end of times. When James and Abba check in with Phil, still missing a passport and in last place, he eliminates them. 

That kind of totally sucks for them. Phil's Twitter feed didn't mention what happened to them, so let's all just pretend that Team Rock On found a new career serenading newlyweds by the Trees of Love. They're very happy, and Abba's knees are doing very well, thanks for asking.