Previously on "The Amazing Race," Team Superfan almost lost due to their lack of skills with balloon animals. They didn't even run to the Pit Stop, so defeated were they in their hearts.
They are my son's favorite team, and he would have cried if they lost (he's 6). So the Superfans better race harder this time or they'll have to come to my house and apologize. Oh, and Team Legs went home.
Now, let's stay in Indonesia! It has about 17,000 islands, even a 24-hour marketplace, there is so much to do.
First up? I dunno, let's wait for another team and see where they go. Yes, the Twins wait for Team Texi, and then they all wait for Team Chipp so they can move as a herd.
In one of the most insightful quotes of the week, one Twin states, "This is a perfect example of [how] when there are numbers [of teams] you just do dumb [bleep] because you feel safe."
Team Goat Farmers and Team Rock On are out of the gate next. One team says that great people wind up winning, and they are great people. Another team says they are the lone wolves of the game. Who said what? The Goat Farmers are the lone wolves? What a terrible metaphor!
Important Roadblock Prerequisite: Forearms
The Roadblock is at a restaurant, but thankfully does not involve eating food. One person must serve 20 plates of food all at once, without a tray, just using the real estate available on their arm. These aren’t dinner plates, more the size of salad plates, and they each have one smallish serving of food on them.
Phil Keoghan pointed out on Twitter, "I love the portion sizes here. You could never do this challenge in an American restaurant."
Following the herd is a good idea until you lose the herd
The insightful Twins lose the group when their cab wanders off track. They arrive at the Roadblock after Chipp, Dominate, Texi, Goat Farmer, and Rock On have all finished. Twin One spills food while Twin Two shouts "Chataranga" at her, their code word for relax. Oh look, it worked! She totally chataranga'd!
Unfortunately (dramatic pause), the Twins just miss a train that the earlier teams are on. They are now in the back of the pack, taking a train three hours later.
What do you call Team Dominate at your house?
So Team Rock On, aka Lone Wolf, aka Long Hair Don't Care, identifies the other teams on the train: Chipmunks (Chippendales), Goat Farmers (not Lone Wolf), Texas in the House (Texi), and Abbie and Her Boyfriend. I love it! Team Dominate has no obviously available characteristic for a nickname, and Abbie is somehow more memorable. Boyfriend may be a jujitsu champion, but he's clearly no Abbie.
How do you like dem eggs?
Phil explains that the Detour options his week are two art forms that have been in existence for centuries. The first choice is Egg Head: Have your head lit on fire (well, a coconut on top of your head is lit on fire) to cook some eggs, and then eat the eggs.
Sidebar: Have you guys noticed how many cultural traditions are really wacky things to do with your head? Okay, I'm really only thinking of the Peruvian bottle dance where they dance with a bottle balanced on their head. But still.
Hundreds of years ago, someone in Indonesia said, "I really want to light this coconut on fire, but I'm on an island so obviously the sea could rise up and reclaim the land at any moment. I'd better put the lit coconut somewhere safer. Like on my head."
Team Goat Farmer is the only team from the first train to do Egg Head. "Should we put this in our next cookbook?'‘You can do this at home!'" They note that they are farmers, so they know their fresh eggs, and these are fresh. I bet they needed the protein.
By the way, "Law & Order" actor BD Wong tweeted, "This season of 'The Amazing Race': The best thing that Television has done for Gay Goat Farming in years."
Quote of the Week
The other Detour option is Lion's Head: Team members will dress in a costume with a 40-pound mask and parade around a park, periodically stopping to perform lunges and twirls.
According to Southern Chippendale, the mask is held on with your mouth and hands. He does not think the mouthpiece has been cleaned recently. In fact, "I think I must've made out with like 947 Indonesian people today alone just by putting that thing in my mouth. I'm tasting years of ... culture. It was not ... pleasant."
Pit Stop Fashion
Teams are sent to the Pit Stop after a Double U-Turn. The first train group made a pact not to U-Turn anyone. Well, Team Lone Wolf Rock On didn't join the pack, but they don't U-Turn anyway.
Abbie and Her Boyfriend take first place again, followed by Team Texi. Phil makes them admit that they should hate each other because they are both strong teams. Texi promises to work on that.
Team Chipp is third and Team Rock the Lone Wolf is fourth. One of them, possibly Abba, has spent his free time using pieces of tape to spell out "BE DIPHERENT HI FIL!" on his shirt. He lost me at the "dipherent" but he found me again when he said hi to Phil. Always say hi to Phil, you guys, always say hi to Phil.
Angry Americans vs. "Just enjoy the ride"
Before leaving the Pit Stop, the Blondes interview that this Race will bring out new emotions, but they'll get angry before they cry. Crying shows weakness, and they aren't weak. One of them says that we'll never see her cry, and then she snort-laughs again.
Team Superfan notes that "we have become the team where you say, 'what are you doing there?'" Although they are, in fact, super fans of the show, it's different when you're actually on it. Then Small Superfan finds some money on the ground and says it's their lucky day. It better be.
Blondes, Superfans, and Monster Truck join up with the Twins on the second train. The Blondes point out that they are tougher than any other team on their train.
Superfans think about the U-Turn, they don't want to U-Turn someone who is behind them. Remember when the Goths did that? I was so sad. I miss you, Kynt of that season, not Kynt of the Unfinished Business season.
Now the transportation in this small Indonesian city is like a rickshaw without the roof. Phil calls it something that sounds like betcha but might be spelled becak. A nice local man pedals a three-wheeled bike with a two-person bench in the front.
Back to the action, a small mob gets off the train and runs for the becaks. The Superfans were in a different train car (don't they know to ride up front?) and they end up further from the station, so by the time they get out to the street the screaming racing mob has disappeared. They wander around saying "Becak?" in front of a group of becak drivers, because they don't know what a becak is.
Twins, Blondes, and Monster Truck arrive at the park to do the Lion's Head. The Blondes have been shrieking at their poor becak driver, and then when they get out to pay they try to get change from him. He smiles and says "Yes" a lot.
They say it took 15 minutes to pay him. Incidentally, other teams paid only two Indonesian units of currency while the Blondes were quoted a price of five. I think it costs more to yell at your driver.
The Twins finish the parade and travel by becak to an address that has the U-Turn and the next clue. They choose not to U-Turn, then one of them turns and runs right into the camera! She's just excited. They find Phil and check in.
Team Monster Truck is next, and they decide to U-Turn Team Superfan to get a head start. Dun dun duuun!
Now, the Blondes should get to the U-Turn next, but they have been busy screeching at their driver again which causes him to go the wrong way.
The Superfans enjoy their ride and get to the U-Turn board ahead of the Blondes. They mention that they didn't see any other teams so they don't know who's behind them. It's a toss-up between Monster Truck and the Blondes, and they decide to U-Turn Monster Truck (who is checking in to the Pit Stop at that exact moment). Dun dun duuun, again!
The Superfans head back to the park to get some eggs fried on their heads. Brilliantly, beautifully, the Blondes have been dropped off at that same park. Their driver dumped them right back where he picked them up, and they are wandering around looking for the U-Turn sign. They are even in the same camera shot as the Superfans, although neither team notices the other.
The Blondes decide to head back to a becak while the Superfans eat their eggs. The Blondes finally find the U-Turn, note that it has been used up, and they pick up their clue for the Pit Stop. Back to the becak.
Superfans have finished both Detours and finally get their clue for the Pit Stop. They are behind the Blondes in the hunt for Phil.
But wait! The Blondes are angry at their driver again! "It's so frustrating when a guy from this country cannot speak any English!" I swear those are the words that came out of her mouth. The ugly words cause the becak to go slower.
Now both teams are traveling on the same street, and the Superfans are ahead.
But wait -- the Blondes use their loud voices to convince their driver to pass the Superfans. He does it. The Superfans pay their driver to speed up, but I'm guessing two Superfans weigh less than two Blondes because he doesn't pass them.
But wait -- the road ends at a T. The Blonde becak turns left, and the Superfan becak turns right.
It's Team Superfan at the Pit Stop in another close finish! I'm sorry this ending was so full of exclamation points, but, !!!
Which is more awesome?
That the Blondes lost because they were so rude to their driver(s)? Or that they lost to a team they thought was weaker? Or that they lost on a Double U-Turn leg and they weren't even U-Turned? All of the above, obviously.
On the mat, they tell Phil that their driver was a hot mess. I don't know if it was the same driver the whole leg or if they switched a few times. Either way, those drivers don't fall for a pretty face. Not that their faces are pretty at the end, oh no. They have their angry faces on.
Remember, they will be angry before they will cry. And they don't cry. The one girl does snort again, though.Copyright © 2015, The Baltimore Sun