'Amazing Race'

Matching tank tops! Yeah! (CBS / February 18, 2013)

It's "Amazing Race" time again!

It's been so long since we enjoyed Phil Keoghan and his eyebrow and his hats. The sight still takes my breath away, especially when he's staring at the water in Bora Bora. And I need some eye candy right now because instead of shirtless Chippendales, this season gives us a taxidermist with a mighty mullet. Are you ready for some teams?

Chuck and Wynona, married for 15 years. He likes to "kill the animal, eat the animal, mount the animal, and keep the memory on the wall forever." He has a mullet, and that's all anyone will ever notice.

Bates and Anthony, brothers and professional hockey players. One of them has removable teeth.

Mona and Beth, just your average soccer moms from Colorado who also play roller derby.

Max and Katie, they've been married three whole weeks. Okay, Katie looks like a stereotypical overprivileged, well-maintained blonde girl, and she could be slightly taller than Max, and he's wearing a pink plaid shirt because they're the pink team. I'm suggesting that she might be the boss of him.

Dave and Connor, father and son from Utah who are both cancer survivors and cyclists. You may know that Phil is a cyclist, too, and he loves his own father, so I suspect this is his favorite team even though he would never say so, even if you threatened to take away all of his hats and his beloved Maori fishhook necklace.

Jessica and John, dating for four years from Southern California. He has large white teeth and he smiles a lot, she might want to pressure him into getting married. Then again, she might just be saying that for TV.

Idries and Jamil, twin brothers from Chicago who are both OB/GYNs. They don't sound like they'd be a lot of fun at parties, but I think they are.

Pam and Winnie, best friends from L.A. Usually the best friend team is two blonde girls who look identical, but these two are Asian and one is taller, so hopefully I'll tell them apart soon. They say they have no fear and they're not looking for love, so stop looking at them that way. Geez, give the hot girls a break.

Joey and Meghan, YouTube hosts (the show calls them "sensations") with over 500,000 subscribers. They are young, cute, sweet, and peppy. I tried to watch them when I learned they were on the show, but I don't have time to watch cute peppy young people because I'm busy writing a novel. If I did have time, though, I bet I would like them.

Matt and Daniel, best friends and firemen from South Carolina. They just look real. They also do not look like they would pose shirtless for a Hunky Firemen of South Carolina calendar, but that's okay, sometimes firemen have to wear their shirts and put out fires. They can't be posing all the time.

Caroline and Jennifer, country singers from Nashville, they're in a band called Stealing Angels. They're kind of the blonde lookalikes right now. Unlike Pam and Winnie, these ladies are looking for love and they will flirt to win.

The starting line is the Griffith Observatory in Los Angeles (hey! I've been there!), and the teams had to run up a path to get there, so they are already tired. Then Phil tells them that the first challenge will literally take their breath away.

Phil says that winner of the first leg will get two Express Passes, one to give to another team. Ooh, forcing the teams to be nice to each other in the beginning, that's a new strategy! Okay, there's the "travel safe," there's the eyebrow, and they're off.

Mullet down! We have a mullet down!

I love you, you love me

The second Express Pass has the teams acting friendly. They head to Bora Bora on two pre-selected flights. On the airport shuttle, the Twin Doctors tell the Fearless Friends that they're delivery men, but the girls see through it. "I'm a kindergarten teacher," one jokes then, referring to the time the FBI agents claimed to be kindergarten teachers. I'm glad they're fans of the Race!

In the airport, Father admits that he is afraid of heights, and a Twin says that he is afraid of water. The Fearless Friends hang on and smile, bonding with anyone they can. The first flight has Father/Son, Twins, Fearless Friends, LA Daters, and Mullet.

The Newlyweds set out to make fake friends at the airport, and they interview that Katie has a "low likeability factor" when it comes to strangers. Okay, I totally get that and agree, but it's awesome that they're aware of it. She puts on her best fake face and manages to impress Team YouTube.