In a dark, ominous, very “24” way, we open to see a new set of fresh operatives targeting an unidentified, but highly sought after suspect. Using new school tricks and gizmos, the team is able to capture the infamous “traitor” Jack Bauer ... albeit, a little too easily.

We soon learn, unsurprisingly, Jack has freakish EKG stats -- so obviously Steve Navarro with his Benjamin Bratt hair won’t be able to get anything out of him in interrogation. Instead, he tries to charm him, trying to convince him that telling the truth will be what’s best for everybody. Jack doesn’t talk.

We’ve all waited this long, and we get no dialogue from the greatest hero in network television? And why would the greatest special agent in CTU history allow himself to be captured so easily? There has to be something more to this.

And wait ... what? CHLOE?!?!?

11:24:26

JB Kill Count: 0

Total words spoken:0

We’re running out of time: 0

You’re going to have to trust me: 0

Again, in a very “24” manner, we see the decision makers -- the President, his chief of staff, etc. -- beginning to get the details so they can begin to make ignorant decisions as they sit on high. The nerve of these people, to really think they can contain Jack Bauer and continue to live their quiet, terrorist-free lives? Sheep.

Of course, the agents nobody trust (Agent Kate Morgan) figures out what really happened. Jack must have allowed himself to get caught. When the truth is brought up in interrogation, all of a sudden Bauer has a pulse. Hooray, a clue! Now it’s time to sit in our thinking chair and think, think, think, right?

Wrong. We’re going to ignore the only agent who knows what she’s talking about and stick to protocol. And of course, ignoring this will put everybody in danger. Stupid bureaucrats.

11:36:35

JB Kill Count: 0

Total words spoken:0

Hearbeats: 1 that we know of

Jack gets handcuffed and everybody’s safe, right? Wrong. Remember the now-dismissed Agent Morgan? She “Jack Bauer-ed” the security guard escorting her out and tries to hunt Bauer down again.

Agent Erik Ritter, played by Gbenga Akinnagbe of “Save the Last Dance” fame, is a fan of Bauer’s. But I don’t think Sutherland liked his rendition of Othello, so Ritter’s compliments turn backhanded, reminding Jack that he was good, “back in his day.”

So it seems Jack may have made a deal with the devil, or at least a band of eastern europeans, to try and get Chloe out. He presses some secret button his sleeve and manages to get away, beating up everybody in the frame. As much as we’re excited that Jack is back in fighting shape, remember these secret buttons.

Jack finds his former colleague and friend hooked up to an IV full of something unimaginable and the struggle is oh so real. This is the part where they usually pull out a big adrenaline needle, in 3 ... 2 ... 1 …