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TV Lust Television reviews and recaps
'Dancing With The Stars' recap, Spring Break week

It's "Spring Break" week. I'm not even sure what that means except for gross things like wet T-shirt contests, beer funnels and parents having to deal with kids out of school/daycare for five days straight. The opening credits are all swimming pools, sand, surf and ice cream cones. Except for Miss Patti LaBelle, who's sitting like a lady with her fan open and fluttering. She's my role model, y'all.

Two rounds tonight: Individual dances and then the first team dance of the season.

Patti LaBelle & Artem Chigvintsev

Quickstep

Artem didn't have spring break because he grew up in Russia, and Patti didn't have a spring break because she's from back before that sort of thing went on.

Patti starts out on a chaise longue and is helped up by a couple of pool boys. Again, my role model. They have four backup dancers with them, and I really don't like the backup dancers. It's one thing for one pro to tone themselves down to make the star look good; it's another thing to have five of them running with...

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Glen Burnie man Food Network's top 'All-Star'

By the end of Sunday's finale of "All-Star Academy" on the Food Network, the tension inside of the Redemption House Life Center church was so thick one could filet it with a knife.

At least 60 people came to the Glen Burnie church to watch member Joseph Harris compete for the Food Network show's $50,000 grand prize. After encountering technical difficulties throughout much of the broadcast, the crowd was dead silent as Harris stood as one of two final contestants in front of celebrity chef Curtis Stone, the show's guest judge.

Harris, 27, born and raised Glen Burnie, narrowly made it to the final moment. Co-contestant Vanessa Craig had been judged as making the best dish in the previous two rounds of the show.

Harris' last shot at taking home the grand prize came down to a white striped bass with anchovy butter and a Sicilian-style broth. Stone had criticized Harris' fish as not being crispy enough.

"The winner of 'All-Star Academy' is," Stone said in his thick Australian accent, before...

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'Mad Men' recap, 'The Forecast'

"Mad Men" goes from dwelling on the past to looking toward the future. Don's outlook? Not so good.

At least in in the advertising world.

"The Forecast" goes beyond Don's uncertain future and explores the goals of fan favorites, like Peggy, Joan and Sally. It's a refreshing change from the endless loop of overplayed and dreary themes from recent episodes.

Roger has Don writing a speech on what the future has in store for their company. "Reasonable hopes and dreams," Roger says. "It doesn't have to be science fiction."

It should be an easy assignment, but for once we see Don struggle with writer's block. How can he speak to the future of the company when he's unsure about his own fate? Or his own interest in his job?

Don never discusses his own dreams, but he hints that advertising isn't in the cards for him. Any of his coworkers' dreams that involve the workplace makes him bristle.

"Bigger accounts ... that's your dream?" Don sounds crushed when he asks Ted for his aspirations. He's desperately...

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'Game of Thrones' recap: 'The House of Black and White'

The “Mad King” Aerys Targaryen II was a terrible ruler. Think King John “The Bad” of England. Or Saddam Hussein. Or Pol Pot.

Aerys was insane. He was paranoid. He burned people alive and laughed (insanely).

Daenerys Targaryen, whom is believed to be Aerys’ only surviving child, is just starting to learn about her father’s infamy.

In “The House of Black and White,” the latest episode of HBO’s hit “Game of Thrones,” Dany is trying to avoid being like daddy dearest. Instead of mercilessly crushing the insurgent group Sons of the Harpy, she promises to give the murderers fair trials. When one of her soldiers takes it upon himself to execute an insurgent, Dany has her soldier executed as well as punishment.

This decision, carried out in public, causes the people of Meereen to begin rising up against her, hissing (yes, actually, hissing like snakes) and throwing rocks.

Later, Dany’s missing dragon, Drogon, returns to her side ever so briefly, before flying off again. She’s finding her dragon-children...

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'Scandal' recap, 'I'm Just a Bill'

I am done with "Scandal." I am furious. I am spent.

Well, I'm probably not done done, but I'm definitely going to grumble about this week's episode for quite some time. It started off so well.

Olivia was being awesome, Susan Ross was refusing to be pushed around by Fitz (or anyone else from the Grant administration) and there were even a few laughs -- all wrapped up in an episode directed by the great Debbie Allen. And then, within the last few moments, all of that changed.

The culprit? Rowan. Pope. Every time Olivia is happy, he just has to pop up and destroy it. And while I love the way Joe Morton delivers Rowan's trademark monologues, I'm really over the way the character complicates Olivia's life and drags the storyline right back into the will-they-won't-they depths of the "Let's Bring Down B613" storyline.

But enough of my whining, let's get into the recap. Rowan is back and he's bullying Olivia, like he always does. He wants her to take him on as a client, shutting down the Gladiators'...

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'Survivor' recap, 'Livin' on the Edge'

We start out tonight's episode coming back from last week's Tribal Council where Hali was voted off, and there's...something crawling on the beach - wait, it's a sloth! It's adorable! Can we spend an hour watching that instead of these people? That would be awesome.

And to prove my point, Dan obnoxiously has to point out to Shirin the difference between a flip and a blindside. Shirin knows that she's on the bottom, and she's scrambling to stay in the game.

Now that Hali's gone, Jenn seems to have lost the will to play the game. Suck it up, buttercup; it's a game for a million dollars, and there's only 10 days left.

Shirin goes to Mike for a new alliance; she must really be scrambling. Mike is willing to entertain the idea, mostly because no one would suspect him of it. She suggests getting rid of Carolyn, because they know she's working with Rodney, but she's not a part of the Blue Collar tribe.

Reward Challenge time! This week it's an obstacle course, but it's on water. That's totally...

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