Zero-star 'Drunkboat' review: Abandon ship

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'Drunkboat'

'Drunkboat' (July 11, 2012)

Zero stars (out of four)

A Chicago-native filmmaker with any loyalty to hometown crowds should never, ever claim a scene takes place in Detroit while blatantly displaying the exterior of Ukrainian Village's Rainbo Club and the Division Street sign.

In director/co-writer Bob Meyer's horribly written, shockingly amateur “Drunkboat,” the embarrassment to our city doesn’t end there. Following an introductory scene in which he wears a mop on his head, Vietnam vet Mort (John Malkovich) dazedly tries to stay off the sauce after returning to his sister’s (Dana Delany) home in the Chicago area. There, Mort’s nephew Abe (Jacob Zachar) pursues his dream of buying a boat, and luckily a shady boat salesman (John Goodman), who coincidentally just came into contact with Mort and his other estranged nephew, has plenty on hand.

Cheap-looking and ponderous beyond belief, “Drunkboat” features teenagers acting like 7-year-olds and a stunningly false scene in which neighborhood kids suddenly appear to help Abe push his boat. Contrived and exhausting don't begin to summarize this inert disaster, which I first saw in advance of the 2010 Chicago International Film Festival. I watched it again last weekend. Age has only intensified its stench.

Watch Matt on “You & Me This Morning,” Friday at 7:30 a.m. on WCIU, the U

mpais@tribune.com. @mattpais

 

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