"I was born the night she found me." -- Eric NorthmanWhether or not you believe in the powers of a full moon, it's hard to deny that if a place would be affected by lunar fatness, it would be Bon Temps.
Let's see: In this episode, Jason finally got some time to shine (funniest Jason lines ever!) but did he become a werepanther? Arlene and Terry had more baby drama -- or it it babydoll drama? We found out just what Marnie can do (though it's still a bit confusing).
Even in Mexico, the moon did some powerful things. And there was some full-moon romance as well. Of course.
Here's what went down during this crazy (and bit overlong) celestial installment:
I'M JUST A BILL: About 90 percent of this episode was used to make us start to despise douchey politico Bill (or as Pam called him, a "pompus little dork." We began were we left last episode -- with Eric and Sookie in their epic first kiss. Now clothes are coming off and such -- and just in time for Bill to barge in with his soldier minions and arrest Eric.
Sookie is all defensive and believes Bill motives are purely personal. You know, because he hates Eric and still loves Sookie and there's the whole Bill-Eric-Sookie love triangle plotline to maintain.
Bill's curtly perfect response to this: "Believe it or not, your entire existence does not revolve around what or who is between your legs."
Ouch. Looks like someone has been writing down hurtful daggers while he perfects his kingly attitude.
Back at the king's home, Eric is taken to a jail cell as Sookie does her best to earn his freedom. Bill responds by banishing Sookie from his home and giving a longing look as she leaves.
And, finally, Eric is reunited with Pam. Well, Pam under a sheet. She's still rotting away and all Nice Eric can say is "Oh" when he notices her face is falling off. Pam does her best to remind Eric that he's a badass vampire (nice try, Pam), but it's to no avail. "The things I've done, I don't want to remember," he tells her.
Later, Bill has received the permission to give Eric the true death, since he's under the power of necromancy and is dangerous and is about to fall in love with Sookie. Eric accepts his fate and makes a final request to swoon after: "Tell Sookie I was born the night she found me, because of her I wen tto my true death knowing what it means to love. Tell her, 'thank you.'"
Man, how do you kill a guy, er, vampire, after that? And, well, Bill doesn't and Eric is set free to find Sookie and embrace her. Cue romantic music. And outdoor sex.
I'm starting to turn around to liking Nice Eric. The guy has new powers now -- the kind of human spirit that can even charm the pants off of Harsh Politico Bill. But wasn't it sad to see Bill brooding in his mansion to the sounds of a mournful Neko Case?
Is it possible to be on both Team Bill and Team Eric?
WEREPANTHER ARE YOU?: Enjoyed the Eric-Bill stuff, but Jason was the star of the episode. He's still freaking out, naturally, about potentially becoming a werepanther now that the full moon has come.
Sookie finds him handcuffed to the bed (because, in his mind, that will prevent him from hurting others).
"If you turn into a panther, won't the handcuffs just fall off?" Sookie asks.
"I ain't never gonna forgive myself if I bite your head off," Jason explains.
Yes, the slightly clueless, hilarious Jason we love is back! Everything he did in this episode was great: from his description of a witch (the people who buiy pentagram stretchpants at the mall) to his summary of what he's good at: sex and shootin'
"I'm a police offer and a werepanther. Back off!" paranoid Jason yells when he hears noises in the woods.
We fully believe our beloved jason will turn into a murderous cat until we learn, via a Sookie-Alcide-Debbie interaction that he can't: werepantherness is hereditary. Instead of Jason turning, we're treated to a heartwarming scene between Jessica and Jason. Jessica, who sensed Jason's fear and ran after him, attempts to calm him down.
Jason is a bit bummed he won't be turning into a werepanther and wishes he was special.
"Look at you. How can you not think you are special?" Jessica says.
Uh-oh. What's the show setting up for these two, who I oddly like as a couple despite my love of Hoyt-Jessica. Jason and Jessica both simultaneously end the sexual tension, but I think more could be in store of these two, especially now that Jason has tasted her blood. All in all, an A+ Jason showcase. More of this please.
SOUL TO SQUEEZE: I'm really digging this new development with Marnie. She's not a traditionally baddie in the "True Blood" sense.
Sure, she's doing "bad" things on the surface. And, sure, we learn she's willingly trying to become posessed by the Old Lady Witch she sees in her visions.
But we're sympathetic. You know, because of the whole Old Lady Witch and her friends were tortured by Catholic vampire priests in the 16th century thing. And we learn that those priests not only burned the witches, but drained them and raped them.
And now, said witch of her visions is part of her. Literally. She entered Marnie's body, so who knows what Marn will do next episode. We got a glimpse of her new power though, in a great scene where Marnie recognized one of Bill's minions as a priest from her visions. He recognized her, too. And went after her.
But Marnie/Old Lady Witch wasn't having it. She controlled that old vampire. Will she be able to control all the vampires now? Yes, another cliffhanger.
HELLO DOLLY: Will we ever move on from the whole Arlene-Terry-baby Mikey subplot. How can these two not realize that it's the dirty old doll that's doing the evil deeds like, you know, burning down their house.
And we finally saw who's controlling the doll (and baby?). As the family is gathered outside after the house burns down, Mikey sees and smiles at a ghost (?) woman who waves at him. I guess we're still supposed to care about this. But good to see that Terry's pet armadillo made it out OK.
BROTHERLY LOVE: I actually cared about the Sam Merlotte-Tommy Mickens plot this episode, because it was kind of cool.
Thankfully, the show reminded us of Luna's revelation that skinwalkers gain new powers by killing family members, so we're not surprised when Tommy somehow becomes Sam unwittingly.
This is was fun/weird to watch. Good work, Sam Trammel, at playing Sam Merlotte awkwardly taken over by Tommy. Or should I congratulate you for playing Tommy playing Sam? Either way, it was funny to see Tommy-Sam flirt with patrons, fire Sookie (!) and, um, have sex with Luna.
And, shocker, another cliffhanger! The real Sam finds Tommy passed out next to a pool of skinwalker vomit.
NO MAS, JESUS' GRANDPA: A quick summary of Jesus and Lafayette's visit to Mexico: goat tongue for breakfast; being forced to gather snakes for sacrifice; Jesus' grandpa totally knowing what Marnie is up to; a snake biting Jesus and Lafayette being posessed by Jesus' Tio Luca and curing him. Got it? Great.
OH, AND ONE MORE CLIFFHANGER: Tara's girlfriend, Naomi, decides to visit to see just what the deal is with Bon Temps that messes with Tara. Her name is Pam and she's going to attack her. But not after she makes one Pam pun: "There's plenty of me to go around." Get it? Cause she's rotting.
Grade: About 5 too many cliffhangers for my liking, but with the enjoyable Jason lines and nicely done Marnie scenes, this episodes lands a solid B+A FEW MORE HIGHLIGHTS FROM 'I WISH I WAS THE MOON'THE GUN SHOW: Andy Bellefleur's got biceps! And the balls to ask out Holly. "Fighting crime: It's a hell of a workout!" he tells her. Though I'm worried about Andy going out on a date with someone who says "Thank Goddess" instead of "Thank God."
JASON'S VOICEMAIL: Finally, we learn his outgoing message: "If this is an emergency, dial 9-1-1 and ask me for me. Peace."
PREDICITION: The Catholic church won't be too thrilled with this episode. Makes "Angels and Demons" look downright reverent.
MOON IRONY: Was I the only one who noticed that in an episode that was so much about the moon, Luna didn't really have a nice day, what with Tommy-Sam throwing her out after sex?
ARLENE, CLUELESS AS EVER: But had one of the best lines of the night, in response to Sam telling her everything will be OK: "The ghost of my serial-killing ex-fiance just tried to murder us in our sleep. We're just peachy."
PERHAPS A BIT HARSH: Sam finally tells Andy off for being so rude, telling him that if he doesn't stop bothering him that he will "turn into a Doberman and chew off your face."
NO WONDER SHE MISSES HIM: Even Pam's reminder that she and Eric have spent the past 100 years "Killin', f---in' and laughin'" can't snap him out of his trance.
MAYBE THEY SHOULD TAKE NOTES: Nan tells Bill that she'll "see him at that tolerance thing on the 29th" ... after he asks for his permission to give Eric the true death.
What did you think of this episode? Have you ever eaten goat tongue? Post your thoughts below!Copyright © 2015, The Baltimore Sun