10:01 AM EDT, March 12, 2013
First, a disclaimer: I've been sleep-deprived since Saturday, so forgive me if I am not as adept on picking up on all of the shade this week. And with Kyle's store opening taking place in this episode, I'm sure there will be shade – in abundance.
I probably can't sleep because I just learned that Lisa's headed for "Dancing with the Stars," which will either be the best thing to ever happen to me, or a hot, sparkly mess. I'll keep you posted.
The ladies are spending their final day in Paris and are spending it on a boat. It looks beautiful, but there's trouble afoot. Kim's still pretty pissed at Lisa, and is taking every opportunity to remind Lisa that she's two seconds away from pulling out her hair. Either address it or move on, honey.
Yolanda brought a present for Brandi, on some "you're a poor, single mother with no man to buy you things, or perform awkward, impromptu concerts at your dinner parties"-type thing.
It’s shoes, which worries me, because the old folks always say, if you buy someone shoes, they'll walk out of your life, and after a whole season with Brandi's honesty and messiness and penchant for bodycon dresses, I don't think I can deal with RHOBH without her.
Back in Beverly Hillz, Marisa pops over to Kyle's to catch up. She still seems pretty shaken about her father-in-law's passing. Her mother-in-law wants Marisa to help her sell her ginormous mansion, and they decide to bring Mauricio in to help. Almost forgot that in addition to being sickening and berating women in Moroccan restaurants about matters that don't concern him, Mauricio also does real estate. Jack of all trades, that one.
Kyle's hyped about her store opening, but she's worried about Kim.
Lisa's party planner, Kevin Lee, is back in all of his neck-rolling, air-kissing glory, but Lisa's not about paying him another mil to throw her long overdue housewarming. And oh honey, we finally get a real look at Lisa's view from the backyard. Can someone petition MTV to bring back "Cribs" just for an episode with Lisa and Ken? I'll sign it.
Yolanda's meeting up with a fashion photographer for this photo shoot she and David are doing for an Asian magazine. Of course, David has a show with Barbara Streisand tonight, so he doesn't have much time. Blah, blah, blah.
Yolanda is SICKENING in full makeup. Just stunning. And in that dress! Ohmigarsh.
Mauricio heads up to meet Marisa to sell the house. Despite her meh-ness about Dean, Marisa seems to adore her in-laws. They want to sell the house for around $23 million, and hopefully this all works out.
Kyle's store opening is quickly approaching and she heads down to shop for more merch with her business partner, Deb, and Faye – who I was enjoying not seeing. Oh, that looks like so much fun.
Taylor meets up with her broken-hearted friend Dana, who lets us know what she's about within 10 seconds of being on screen. Taylor's barely in her seat when Dana starts going in about sex and drinking and Lisa being frigid. Points for that Lisa impression, though.
Taylor's instantly concerned about Dana's drinking, and Dana's upfront about her hatred of Brandi, who she doesn't feel deserves to roll with their crew. But, um, Brandi's in the main cast, and you're not – so I'm playing the tiniest violin for Dana and her broken heart.
Dana is going in, saying she wants to puke when she sees Brandi, Brandi's the devil because Adrienne, etc. But she'll probably puke anyway because she is downing that drink like it's water. Kudos to Bravo for those exaggerated slurping noises.
On to Kyle's store opening. If it's a real Kyle-function, it'll come complete with some drama. She's freaked because Kim, who sucks at time management on a regular day, has decided to get a tan an hour and a half before the party starts. Of course, Kim gets offended when Kyle asks her if she'll be on time. Retract the claws, madam. Kyle just wants her sister to be there to support her.
Kim BS aside, Kyle's more worried about picking out a dress for the occasion, and to be honest, even though both dresses make her body look awesome, they are both a little lacking.
The store looks great, though, and she has a really good turnout. The other Housewives come out to support, and it's all very sweet. Kim's new nose is growing on me, but it still looks an awful lot like the old one.
Yolanda's rolling solo, because David's working – again. Which leaves her free to square off with Taylor. But Taylor swears that her problem isn't with Yolanda, but with David, because his ex-wife is her friend.
Taylor says she misjudged him, but Yolanda isn't letting up. She's furious that Taylor not only got out of pocket but gossiped about David with the other girls. In the end, she accepts Taylor's apology, but is that really over?
Well. Camille and Kyle talked Adrienne and Paul up. Fortunately, Brandi has finally decided to completely ignore these people. Adrienne is convinced that Brandi would like to make a scene (The self-importance on that woman!) and vows to take the high road.
Of course, Kyle picks now to pull Kim to the side to talk about her health. She claims she's not using on purpose, but taking the wrong medicine. Instead of her water pill, she was accidentally taking a pill that had made her have seizures in the past.
This…is not the time for this. The conversation is sweet, open and honest, but you have an entire party going on, Kyle. And it’s not like they're in a back room or office. Glad their relationship is in a better place, though.
Next week: Lisa’s Housewarming! Adrienne and Paul need marriage therapy! Marisa suggests Kyle and Mauricio give themselves a “hall pass” and Faye richly accuses Brandi of ruining Paul and Adrienne’s marriage. *bangs head on keyboard*
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