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'The Amazing Race' recap: 'Speed Dating is the Worst'

The Amazing Race (tv program)

Previously on "The Amazing Race": my second-favorite team went home, and I was in despair all week. I’ve decided that it’s time to stop rooting for eye candy and support the women. Go, Team Bunny Wives! They are surprisingly resilient!

Things about men and women

At the airport, we get some fun insights. The Bunny Wives are in front of the Exes at the airline counter, and Nicky is stretching. She claims that synchronized swimmers need to stretch. Is or was she a synchronized swimmer? Because how awesome is that? Anyway, Marie points out that, “They’re always stretching, sipping tea, or putting on makeup.” Totally sounds like my mother-in-law. (*Rimshot*)

By the way, the Wives vow not to dilly-dally this time, even as they chat with the ticket agent about meals for the flight.

Meanwhile, Jason and Tim have made up from the cab-stealing fight. It happens like this: “You OK?” 

Marie asks what happened, and Tim said it’s just dudes being dudes, getting over things fast. “Guys don’t fight for longer than like 10 minutes.”

Marie says, “We don’t fight for longer than ten minutes.”

Tim: “Yeah, because you’re a dude.” And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the sum of Marie and why she has a bad rep. 

Details, details

The teams are in Abu Dhabi, a desert land of crazy tall buildings. They stop at one of the largest mosques in the world, where they are not allowed to run or yell. Tim wishes that the entire race could be run inside the mosque. 

For the Detour, they work in one of two of the oldest industries in the area. Sort it Out: search though an “overwhelming variety” of dates to pick out the correct ones and assemble an elaborate display tray. Sew it Up: assemble a traditional fishing net.

The thing about Abu Dhabi is, it’s hot. Like wicked hot. Travis is from “Hot”lanta and he’s never had hot like this.

The Marrieds and the Daters assemble the fishing nets. The Power Parents interview that they’re trying to stay unflustered so that when their kids watch the show, they’ll see their parents working hard for a better outcome. So when Nicole doesn’t do the net correctly and Travis has a meltdown, it’s really a hushed, polite meltdown.

Nicole apologizes and says it’s not the time to yell at her. “Tell me how careless I am later.” They debate using the Express Pass, but they don’t.

The rest of the teams sort dates. I don’t know how many types of dates there are, but there are a lot. The work area is under a large tarp, and the trays of available dates are mostly in one area. Except for a certain red date that’s off to the side. The Afghanimals, Pink Ice and the Exes fail to find the other dates. 

The Bunny Wives find them! Even better, they find them secretly and quietly. The Afghanimals notice their correct dates and try to exchange favors for information, but the Bunnies are all, like, this is our only advantage, hell no we’re not helping you.

Alas, the Afghanimals then find the correct dates anyway.

During all of this, Tim and Marie argue and make the other teams uncomfortable. Marie pointed out on Twitter that Tim was being obnoxious on purpose, and that the yelling made others uncomfortable, not them.

Yachts and fast cars

After the Detour, teams take a luxury yacht on a cruise to a different marina. The yachts leave every 15 minutes. The Daters and the Afghans are on the first boat, and are the first to the Roadblock. The Marrieds get their own boat. The Pinks and Exes get on a boat as the Bunny Wives run to join them. The boat leaves the dock seconds before they get there, so I’m gonna say that was a point for dilly-dallying. 

For the Roadblock, at an insanely huge building, they zipline halfway, then hit a release button to rappel 200 feet down. Then they climb into a race car so that a professional driver can drive them around a lap while they watch for a plaque showing the name and time of a record-holding driver. There are several plaques, and the times have like six digits, so it’s a lot to take in.

After the lap, they lift up their helmet shield and give the answer. If they’re wrong, the clue guy slaps their visor down and they’re off again. It’s the funniest thing -- they don’t even get a chance to despair or question, just, bam, off again.

No one gets it right the first time. After Leo gets the right answer, he and Jamal find Phil on the Champion’s Podium, where he sprays them with sparkling water for coming in first. They are ecstatic to have a first-place finish in “almost” their homeland.

The Daters come in second, and they note that it’s their fourth time in second place. The Marrieds are disappointed to be in thir;, Nicole is still kicking herself about messing up the fishing net. The Exes are in fourth. 

Pink Ice Ally has been going around and around and around. She doesn’t know what she’s looking for, really, so she just memorizes random signs and repeats them. No. Helmet slap.

Bunny Wife Kim gets to the track while Ally is still racing. If she gets the clue, they can win! But she misses. Eventually Ally gets the correct answer first, and she and Ashley are team number five.

The Bunny Wives are in last place. Kim weeps, talking about how she’s a mom and she doesn’t get to go out and make memories with her friend like this back in her regular life. After she goes on and on in sadness, Phil asks if she’d like to make more memories. Non-elimination leg, how about that? The relief on Kim’s face is beautiful. 

This is their second last-place finish, but both were non-elimination. Am I rooting for the correct team? Or will they be gone next week? Tune in, because the race stays in the desert, the Bunnies get their dune buggy stuck in the sand and there’s a Double U-Turn. Yay!

Copyright © 2014, The Baltimore Sun
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