She's not making this up

Sun restaurant critic

So you want my job. Well, it isn't all peaches and cream, or lobster and filet, as the following excerpts from my early reviews illustrate. (Bear in mind that this was 20 or 30 years ago. They don't apply to the restaurants of the same name today, most of which don't even have the same owners -- if they're still open.)

  • "Crabtree's has its peccadilloes. (The first time we made reservations, for instance, no one bothered to tell us the restaurant would be closed that Sunday.)"
  • "I pointed out [to the waiter] that a small insect was walking on the Russian [dressing]. 'Oh Jesus,' he said." ( Baltimore Museum Cafe)
  • "I was surprised at how terrible my plain omelette ($3.95) was. ... It tasted as though it had been cooked in automobile grease." (Owl Bar)
  • "I had dinner at the Milton Inn in Sparks, Maryland, recently, and except for the food, it was a pleasant experience."
  • "My job lands me in some odd situations, and one of them was sitting in the Bamboo Inn's unfestive dining room with a flaming Pu-Pu Platter."
  • "I ordered six steamed clams ($2.15) to begin with, but they didn't arrive until after my crab fluff. They were the biggest, hoariest granddaddy clams imaginable. Oversteaming only made them more leathery. They were served with drawn margarine." (Blue Gables )
  • "We all need a little romance in our lives, especially this close to Valentine's Day. The question is whether we also need a waiter who not only introduces himself -- 'Hi! I'm your waiter Gregory' -- but also the water bearer, as in 'Your water bearer's name is Ronald.' " (Carolyn's Cafe)
  • "There is one small problem with 'Connolly Special No. 6, Pan Fried Rock' ($8.75). It's sea trout."
  • "You've got to love crowds to love Alonso's. You've got to love people watching you with hawk eyes, willing you to hurry up so they can have your table."
  • "There's a certain point at a restaurant past which I suddenly say, 'I don't want to be here anymore.' The Rusty Scupper took us long past it."
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