Dear Amy: I'm a bridesmaid for an old friend this summer, and she has chosen a three-day destination bachelorette party.
She paid for her own air and hotel but expects her bridal party to pay for our costs and hers for the entire weekend, including all drinks, meals, transportation and shows. She nonchalantly mentioned getting bachelorette party gifts from us as well.
I expected to buy her a gift and a drink here and there, but everything, all weekend? We're staying at a nice hotel in an expensive city, and it's getting out of control.
Every time I open my inbox there's another e-mail suggesting another expensive activity.
The other bridesmaids don't seem to agree with me that this is getting ridiculous (the e-mail are coming from them), but I don't make as much money as they do.
So I have to know — am I the ridiculous one?
What is typical destination bachelorette party etiquette?
— Broke Bridesmaid
Dear Broke: Destination bachelorette parties tax my limited etiquette expertise.
I do know quite a bit about being broke, however.
You are responsible for your own bank balance.
Because you've been sucked into something that has mushroomed into an event you can no longer afford, you face the unhappy task of deciding whether to pull the plug.
You should e-mail the entire bridal party and without passing judgment on their plans, say: "Here's what I can do. Here's what I can't do."
During the weekend, set a budget for yourself, stick to it and hope your fellow bridesmaids don't turn on you like a pack of drunken jackals.
And if you decide to chicken out, you may need to develop a last-minute communicable skin rash. Staying home, absorbing the ticket cost and watching the "Bridezilla" marathon on TV might be your best weekend bet.
Dear Amy: I'm worried my boss might have an eating disorder.
Over the last two years, she has gone from about a size 10 to a size 0 (which now seems baggy on her). She doesn't eat during the day. She says she snacks at home.
She is also exercising at least twice per day.
She still believes she is fat.
People around the office have been saying they are worried about her extreme weight loss, but no one knows what to do, or even if it's appropriate to do anything.
I would like to take my concerns to HR, but she is the best boss I've ever had, and I'm worried that not only will I lose her trust if she finds out that I "ratted" her out, but also that I may put her job in jeopardy.
What should I do?
— Concerned Colleague
Dear Concerned: You shouldn't worry about being exposed as a "rat" because you expressed concern about the health of a fellow employee. There is every chance that HR has already heard from other concerned employees, but even if you're flying solo, you should still attempt to help.
If your boss has an eating disorder, an HR representative would point her toward treatment without putting her job on the line.
After you've made your concerns known, back off. There's no need to discuss this with fellow colleagues.
If your boss continues to raise this issue with you, you could tell her you're worried about her — but otherwise her weight and body size aren't really appropriate topics to bring up with people who work for her, and she should realize this.
Dear Amy: Like "Recovering," I work in an office where a clique prevails.
Like her, I was out on extended medical leave and did not receive even a card from anyone in my office.
I'm social at work, so I was surprised and wounded.
When I returned to work I decided that no one else would be treated that way.
I make sure that everyone gets a card, flowers and a visit.
It is not that hard, and once the example is set, others take the initiative. And I feel better.
Dear Kathy: I love your positive response to this exclusion.Copyright © 2015, The Baltimore Sun