From the Cubicle

So Tank is almost a free man. And wouldn't you know it, all of his friends came to visit him. That's so sweet! He's gonna have a lot of friendship bracelets to make in his spare time. House arrest? Perfect! Jesse Jackson was among the big name visitors. So now that Tank doesn't need his help – Jesse can focus his efforts on a soon-to-be inmate. Yup, Paris Hilton. She's headed to the slammer for…bad outfits? Poor dog maintenance? Whatever it is, she wants a pardon and I'm sure Jesse can help her out. And, if they started dating – their celeb name could be: Parsse? Jeeris? I need the "Celebrity Hook-Up Name Generator". I wonder if Brian Urlacher will visit her too.

Onto the White Sox game – the big rubber match against the Twins. , done by yours truly, 52.7% of readers thought the Sox would take two of three from the Twinkies. I'm sure the Vegas odd makers are just as excited. It's old man Jose Contreras vs. Carlos Silva for all the marbles. With a win, the Sox would leap into third place in the AL Central. Quick, someone make T-shirts.

So here's my question: if the Twins are the piranhas, what animal are the White Sox? Sounds like a question on the Love Connection. Are they chameleons? Sea lions? Here's my guess: the Twins are to piranhas as the White Sox are to my 16-year-old daschund Oliver. He's old (Jose Contreras, Jim Thome), barks when he needs attention (Ozzie) and sometimes does unexpected things like run up the stairs (Mark Buehrle's no-hitter).

Awesome catch by Torii Hunter last night. I looked around for a clip of his crazy catch that robbed Juan Uribe of at least a double with the bases loaded, but alas, came up empty. I did find this – don't worry he's fine. Rub some dirt on it. Geez.

One last thing, Hawk called Boone Logan the "Boonemeister" last night. Was he making copies? Just wondering.

Lineups. Pierzynski batting third? Odd.

My email is is here. Message board to the right. No weather report (those garbage bags really block out the sun).

Baseball to come shortly.

First inning

Baseball now. Erstad hits on right to Torii Hunter in CF. He catches it without falling down. And Erstad has a five o'clock shadow. Ozuna hits a bloop single to Hunter, again no falling down. AJ is batting third today. Thoughts? There goes Pablo -- he steals second. That makes him 2-for-2 on the season. That's 100%. I graduated with honors. AJ hits one hard to center, and it scores Pablo. White Sox 1-0. Hunter semi-bobbles the ball (it was hit really hard). He's seeing a lot of action early. Konerko grounds into a double-play to end the inning. Sorry Torrii.

White Sox 1-0.

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Did I sound like Bob Rohrman there? Scary. Still no Joe Mauer for the lineup for Minnesota. His left quad is bleeding. GROSS. Contreras walks the first batter he sees, Nick Punto. Hawk complains about the wide strikezone. That didn't take long. Hey Nellie: Uribe is in the lineup - where'd ya hear that? Contreras gets Jason Tyner looking. One out. Looked a little outside to me, just saying. Hunter is up and still standing. He lines one right to Iguchi, who tags out a running Punto. Three up, three down.

White Sox 1-0.

Second inning

I think Greg Oden is the same age as Jose Contreras. And now so does he.

JD flys out to RF, one pitch -- one out. Rob Mackowiak now. I heard him yesterday on the Loop, where he replaced Brian Anderson for a weekly chat. That's a little weird. He giggled a bit when chatting about David Aardsma's almost wild pitch on the pitchout during Tuesday's game. He's out (somehow). And then Iguchi grounds out to the pitcher.

White Sox 1-0.

Jeff from Beverly -- I don't know how to work the fancy webcam, or I'd change my picture. Pigtails, yee-haw. Cuddyer up to bat. He lines one right to the Gooch. Justin Morneau now...he lines out to Konerko at first. It's a line-drive-a-poolza. T-shirts people, T-shirts! Mike Redmond (subbing for quad-bleeder Mauer) flies out to Sweeney in CF.

White Sox 1-0.

Third inning

Ah, here's that Juan Uribe story. Sweeney leads off the third with a groundout to shortstop. Goofy lineup today - Erstad is DH, Ozuna at third, AJ batting third...experiments are fun! Uribe up to bat now...he hits one deep to CF and Hunter, who makes the catch (and is still on his feet). Erstad also flies out to Hunter (still upright) for the third out. That's seven straight retired by Silva.

White Sox 1-0.

Jason Kubel (Kugel?) has a lead-off double for the Twins first hit. A little out of JD's reach in RF, but he didn't fall down. Rodriguez attempts a bunt, but it goes foul. 0-1 count. Rodriguez pops out to Iguchi - Kubel doesn't move. One out, runner on second. Hawk is chatting about maple bats, and how they tend to break a lot more. Sure. Oshkoshq - no news on Scotty Pods, he's out until at least the end of May. Bartlett grounds out to Ozuna at third, who fields it and runs after a hopeful Kubel, who is tagged out. That's not smart baserunning - he should have waited to advance until after Ozuna threw the ball. Duh - I'm a girl and even I know that. Two outs. Punto hits a soft grounder to Iguchi, who throws to first for the out. Crisis averted.

White Sox 1-0.

Fourth inning

Oh look, a baseball game. Ozuna just grounded out. Adam is making a Starbucks run, and therefore is my new best friend. He's all jazzed to start the Cubs cubicle in about 15 minutes. Don't leave - stay here with me! AJ hits one down the third base line to Punto, who fields it perfectly, and throws to first for the out. Nice play, you know, if you like that sort of thing. HL - "What would Brian Anderson do" bracelets...that a great idea. Step 1: Apply hair gel. Step 2: Stand there. Easy! Konerko now. He hits a single to CF (Torii stands). JD flys out to RF to end the inning.

White Sox 1-0.

Slow day for the boards. Where have all the posters gone? I feel so lonely. Tyner grounds out. Hunter strikes out...that won't help him extend his hitting streak. Again, honors student. Oh my - Hawk just called Iguchi the "Goochmeister." He's lost it for real. Cuddyer flies out to Rob Mackowiak for the third out.

White Sox 1-0.

Fifth inning

Anti-anderson: Step 4...Hang out on Rush St. with Brandon McCarthy. Mackowiak gets plunked by Silva, just as Hawk talks about how Silva has great contral. Yeah, tell that too Rob's tooshie! Goochmeister now...he fakes bunt as Mackowiak steals second. The crowd doesn't like the call - tie goes to the runner, folks. Gooch hits a grounder right off the mound, and he's thrown out. Mackowiak advances to third. Squeeze bunt time! Or not, Sweeney drills one to RF for a single, scoring Mackowiak. White Sox 2-0. Could this be part of that small ball technique I've heard of? Quick, someone hit a HR. Uribe hits one to RF (almost same spot), Sweeney goes to second. Torii Hunter stands around. No one wants to hit to him. He's taking his toys and going home. Erstad flys out in LF foul territory. Pablo hits one to RF (same spot, seriously), and Sweeney comes around from second to score. White Sox 3-0. Twins manager Ron Gardenhire comes out to argue the call - Cuddyer's throw seemed to beat Sweeney, but he slid around the tag. Someone is going to get ejected...lotsa hand gestures by Gardenhire...oops, there's an F-bomb. And it's bye-bye Gardenhire! AJ flies out to Hunter, who makes the catch and doesn't fall down.

White Sox 3-0. Twins, sans Gardenhire.

So Steve McNair gets a DUI, but he wasn't driving? Someone call Jesse.

I have been to Beverly - used to take tennis lessons over der. Um, I missed an out (or the TV did), but Morneau is out somehow. TV showing third base coach Razor Shines in the dugout. He's got on some nifty glasses to go along with his nifty name. Ozuna misplays the hop on Redmond's grounder - error? Hit? We'll see. Kubel flies out to RF. Rodriguez hits one to Pablo, who makes a great play and tosses to first for the out. Three outs. I think they gave Redmond (sorry) the hit, not an error to Pablo.

White Sox 3-0.

Sixth inning

Paulie grounds out to SS. Did you ever sing "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" in cannon form in grade school? That's what it's like here now, with two cubicles and many annoying people surrounding us. Sorry about the Redmond/Morneau confusion, peeps. JD now...he flies out deep to Cuddyer in LF for an out. South-sider Mackowiak (he's from Oak Lawn orginially) is up. I can't believe no one posted on the board as "Rob's tooshie" and said "Ouch." I'm waiting. Mackowiak takes ball four for the walk. I think that's Silva's first walk of the game. Iguchi lines one right to Rodriguez at 2B. Mackowiak, he is stranded.

White Sox 3-0.

Contreras is still on the mound, he's allowed just two hits. And I'm sure I just jinxed him. Bartlett leads off the inning for Minnesota. Thanks Rob's tooshie! Barlett strikes out swining, that's #3 for Contreras. Cut to the dugout: I think Don Cooper is playing charades. Mackowiak gives chase to Punto's fly ball and catches it. Two outs. Tyner now...Ozuna comes up to protect against the bunt...but he grounds out to Uribe for the third out.

White Sox 3-0.

Seventh inning

So Ryan Sweeney or Scotty Pods - who's your man? Dennys Reyes comes in for Silva, he's got a 6.48 ERA in 16 games this season. And yes, Dennys, like the restuarant. Oh boy, Sweeney leads off. My question is so timely! Sweeney grounds out. Uribe takes a big cut and he strikes out. "Dennys" Reyes better hope Ricky Manning Jr. isn't around to beat him up and call him a nerd. Wow. Erstad has a .320 batting average in the lead-off spot, tops in the AL. Alas, he grounds out for the third out.

White Sox 3-0.

Hunter hits one to JD for the easy out. Running back to the dugout, Hunter falls. Kidding. Just wanted to see if you were paying attention. Cuddyer hits one up the middle (duck snort?) for a single. Morneau is up. I don't like typing his name, I keep switching the e-a-u up. Ah, the French. He hits a chopper to first base, Paulie steps on the bag for the second out. Take that Morneua-eua-aue. Cuddyer advances to second. Redmond strikes out looking. Contreras has the stuff today.

White Sox 3-0.

Eighth inning

Mmmmm, ice cream.

Pablomeister? Ozuna-rator? Both equally wrong. Ozuna strikes out. Number three hitter AJ is up (that just sounds weird). Will the Twins do the "Pierzynski shift" ala "Thome shift." Looks like not. He bloops one out to CF for a hit. Torii on his feet still...this has to be a record. Dennys Reyes leaves and someone else will pitch. Or maybe they'll just start playing T-ball. Just a thought. Nope, new pitcher is Pat Neshek. You know, Pat Neshek. Right. Paulie hits a HR, but in foul territory. Even Hawk saying "Stay fair, stay fair" didn't work. Odd. And then he strikes out on the next pitch. Hawk...quiet. JD...swings at the first pitch but misses. Takes ball two (sorry Sox Win!). Grounds out on third pitch.

White Sox 3-0.

Contreras still in there. Kubel hits a lead-off single in between Konerko and Iguchi. Rodriguez hits a single between Ozuna and Uribe. Don Cooper is on the phone...bullpen or Pizza Hut? Take your pick. David Aardsma and Matt Thornton are warming up in the bullpen. So I guess it wasn't Pizza Hut. Bartlett flies out to Sweeney in CF. I agree with Sox Win! -- don't bring in MacDougal! He's lovely and all, but . Punto hits a chopper to Contreras, who flips it to Konerko for the second out. Jose has the agility of a 35-year-old. Runners at second and third. Tyner hits a grounder to Iguchi for the third out. That's 92 pitches for Contreras. Will he stay in? Stay tuned...

White Sox 3-0.

Ninth inning

Pacman Jones...making it rain across the United States. Mackowiak strikes out vs. Neshek and his goofy delivery. Iguchi strikes out too. What time does the plane leave for Chicago, boys? Sweeney pops out in foul territory. Onto the bottom on the ninth.

White Sox 3-0.

Uh, Larry...nice comment, wrong board. Jose still in there. Sox have had only one complete game this season...guess who? Hunter leads it off for the Twinkies. He pops it up to Sweeney in CF, who almost collides with Iguchi. So that'll end Hunter's hitting streak. Sorry Torii. And Sweeney doesn't fall down. Burn. Cuddyer quickly grounds out to Iguchi. Two down. Morneau-eua-aue looks at strike one. He pops up to Uribe and it's over. Five-hit outing for Contreras, who joins Buehrle in the complete-game club this season. Rubber match to da Sox.

Final thoughts

White Sox finish their road trip 4-4, albeit with an odd lineup and strong pitching by Jose today. Thanks for reading. I'm gonna go eat my yogurt and banana. Go Bulls!

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