Couples may just need to sit tight on certain final decisions until the economic picture improves. (Randy Mack Bishop/The Dallas Morning News/MCT) |
Some experts say if your marriage is shaky, a downturn in the economy will make it more likely that you will divorce. This economy is definitely creating challenges that one doesn't see in a more stable financial situation.
Surveys of attendees at my recent divorce recovery camps revealed that a 52-year-old woman was living in her car. Another was temporarily in the Super Six Motel. Another attendee and her ex-husband were still living in the same house because they have not been able to sell their house, and they could not afford two mortgages.
A clear, hard look at finances may cause a couple to establish new commitment to the marriage and can get them on their way to a more intimate partnership.
However, if divorce is inevitable and the relationship irretrievable, the decision to divorce can be accelerated by the extra stress of this financial climate. Those who decide to divorce should keep in mind that the divorce process in itself can be expensive. Two houses cost more to maintain than one.
Consulting and attorneys fees add up. Physical illness and emotional distress often show up during divorce, which can be costly. Providing for children, even those in joint custody, can create additional expenses. In some cases the decision to divorce depends on where a couple is in the process and what kind of advice they are getting. An attorney in West Palm Beach, Fla., posted the following on a recent blog:
"If you are the major bread-winner of your family, now is a good time to get a divorce. You will be able to buy your spouse out of the marital home for a bargain basement price. That is, if you can get financing. As far as division of marital assets and debts is concerned, if your retirement plan took a recent hit on Wall Street, that is that much less you will need to split with your spouse. If your spouse is irresponsible with money, a shopaholic, or high maintenance, now is the time to get rid of him or her."
Couples should be wary of advice that weighs heavily on one side of the scale or another, or seeks to punish one party at the expense of children or the ex-spouse. Beware of advisors who are more in the business of shoring up their own bottom line rather than crafting a settlement that is as fair as possible for both parties.
Settlements that are unfairly skewed one way or another almost always cause problems down the road. Couples and their attorneys and financial consultants have to be creative, and do their best to equalize both benefits and losses in the final divorce agreement.
Even if you are able to sell your family home, the value is often below what you paid for it, and especially for a woman who has been out of the work force for a significant amount of time, getting financing for a new home is often difficult.
When a couple owns a business together, decisions must be carefully made to insure an equitable outcome. Some couples decide to sell the business and equally take the loss or the profit. Others decide to continue working together until a better economic climate.
Delaying divorce or negotiating the business division at a certain date in the future is also a possibility. Couples may just need to sit tight on certain final decisions until the economic picture improves. Retraining or additional education may also be necessary for one party, and that should be factored in to any divorce settlement and started as soon as possible. In the meantime, both parties will need to cut back on spending.
However, psychologists and grief specialists like Therese McKechnie of Shawnee Mission, Kan., tells us two of the most common ways people fill that emotional void when a relationship fails is by spending and new relationships.
But in this economic climate, using your credit card or dipping into your retirement funds early can create more havoc in both your current and your long-term financial situation. Getting into new relationships is almost always expensive as well.
Newly divorced men often try to impress a new potential partner that they have more money than they actually have. Newly divorced women often get into an unhealthy new relationship to feel more secure about their own financial situation. In the meantime the bottom line is getting worse every day.
Whether you decide to divorce or not, getting solid financial advice from people you trust and taking an honest look at what you need to do to survive financially is the first step for any couple.
According to financial advisor Shalon Doney of Merrill Lynch in Kansas City, Mo., "Your dream team would be an attorney, a financial advisor, an accountant and a psychologist. These professionals should be in place as early in the process as possible."
In either case, face your financial situation head on and budget to keep your expenditures in line with the money you have. Remember this fact: money does not buy happiness. One's attitude toward life and money is much more important than the actual dollar figure in our bank account or portfolio.
Regardless of your situation today, your future is up to you.
Your life can be as wonderful or as miserable as you decide it will be. That's true for everyone. This new economy is forcing all of us to take a serious look at what's really valuable and hopefully we can focus more clearly on those things.
Getting your core priorities straight is helpful whether you end up divorcing or taking this opportunity to make your marriage stronger.
---------------------------------------------------------
Suzy Brown is an author, speaker and founder of Midlife Divorce Recovery. For more information, see her web site: www.midlifedivorcerecovery.com. She can be reached at suzysuccess@kc.rr.com
Visit divorce360.com for help before, during and after divorce.
----------------------------------------------------------
Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services.
Surveys of attendees at my recent divorce recovery camps revealed that a 52-year-old woman was living in her car. Another was temporarily in the Super Six Motel. Another attendee and her ex-husband were still living in the same house because they have not been able to sell their house, and they could not afford two mortgages.
A clear, hard look at finances may cause a couple to establish new commitment to the marriage and can get them on their way to a more intimate partnership.
However, if divorce is inevitable and the relationship irretrievable, the decision to divorce can be accelerated by the extra stress of this financial climate. Those who decide to divorce should keep in mind that the divorce process in itself can be expensive. Two houses cost more to maintain than one.
Consulting and attorneys fees add up. Physical illness and emotional distress often show up during divorce, which can be costly. Providing for children, even those in joint custody, can create additional expenses. In some cases the decision to divorce depends on where a couple is in the process and what kind of advice they are getting. An attorney in West Palm Beach, Fla., posted the following on a recent blog:
"If you are the major bread-winner of your family, now is a good time to get a divorce. You will be able to buy your spouse out of the marital home for a bargain basement price. That is, if you can get financing. As far as division of marital assets and debts is concerned, if your retirement plan took a recent hit on Wall Street, that is that much less you will need to split with your spouse. If your spouse is irresponsible with money, a shopaholic, or high maintenance, now is the time to get rid of him or her."
Couples should be wary of advice that weighs heavily on one side of the scale or another, or seeks to punish one party at the expense of children or the ex-spouse. Beware of advisors who are more in the business of shoring up their own bottom line rather than crafting a settlement that is as fair as possible for both parties.
Settlements that are unfairly skewed one way or another almost always cause problems down the road. Couples and their attorneys and financial consultants have to be creative, and do their best to equalize both benefits and losses in the final divorce agreement.
Even if you are able to sell your family home, the value is often below what you paid for it, and especially for a woman who has been out of the work force for a significant amount of time, getting financing for a new home is often difficult.
When a couple owns a business together, decisions must be carefully made to insure an equitable outcome. Some couples decide to sell the business and equally take the loss or the profit. Others decide to continue working together until a better economic climate.
Delaying divorce or negotiating the business division at a certain date in the future is also a possibility. Couples may just need to sit tight on certain final decisions until the economic picture improves. Retraining or additional education may also be necessary for one party, and that should be factored in to any divorce settlement and started as soon as possible. In the meantime, both parties will need to cut back on spending.
However, psychologists and grief specialists like Therese McKechnie of Shawnee Mission, Kan., tells us two of the most common ways people fill that emotional void when a relationship fails is by spending and new relationships.
But in this economic climate, using your credit card or dipping into your retirement funds early can create more havoc in both your current and your long-term financial situation. Getting into new relationships is almost always expensive as well.
Newly divorced men often try to impress a new potential partner that they have more money than they actually have. Newly divorced women often get into an unhealthy new relationship to feel more secure about their own financial situation. In the meantime the bottom line is getting worse every day.
Whether you decide to divorce or not, getting solid financial advice from people you trust and taking an honest look at what you need to do to survive financially is the first step for any couple.
According to financial advisor Shalon Doney of Merrill Lynch in Kansas City, Mo., "Your dream team would be an attorney, a financial advisor, an accountant and a psychologist. These professionals should be in place as early in the process as possible."
In either case, face your financial situation head on and budget to keep your expenditures in line with the money you have. Remember this fact: money does not buy happiness. One's attitude toward life and money is much more important than the actual dollar figure in our bank account or portfolio.
Regardless of your situation today, your future is up to you.
Your life can be as wonderful or as miserable as you decide it will be. That's true for everyone. This new economy is forcing all of us to take a serious look at what's really valuable and hopefully we can focus more clearly on those things.
Getting your core priorities straight is helpful whether you end up divorcing or taking this opportunity to make your marriage stronger.
---------------------------------------------------------
Suzy Brown is an author, speaker and founder of Midlife Divorce Recovery. For more information, see her web site: www.midlifedivorcerecovery.com. She can be reached at suzysuccess@kc.rr.com
Visit divorce360.com for help before, during and after divorce.
----------------------------------------------------------
Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services.
