Here's Kathryn with this week's take on The Bachelorette:
This week there are three dates--two one-on-one dates and one group date--but not everyone will go on a date. On each date a rose is available. If the one-on-one date men do not receive a rose, they are out.
Frank gets the first individual date. Frank is excited ... very excited. He is so excited he cannot hide it. He may, in fact, be so excited that he loses control and I think I'd like that. Ali and Frank take off in a vintage convertible. I like that Ali doesn't let Frank drive. Frank tell us that he's in heaven because he's in a great car with a beautiful woman and he just can't imagine anything that could put a damper on this day. Jinx!
The car breaks down! Oh no! Don't worry, gentle readers, despite the fact that it is insanely risky to walk down the shoulder of a major highway, Frank and Ali forge ahead on their date. I hope Ali called AAA to have the car towed. Somehow Ali and Frank found a taxi and they get over to Hollywood Boulevard for some sightseeing. During this part of the date, they are accosted by random people who recognize Ali. Frank is a good sport and he and Ali pose for pictures with strangers. Frank is having fun.
Meanwhile, back at the house ... Craig R gives Justin a hard time for lying to everyone but Ali about his profession. Apparently, on the first night Justin told everyone else that he did something (I forget what) rather than saying his main profession was wrestling. Justin argues that it doesn't matter what he tells everyone else as long as he's telling Ali the truth and Craig R counters with exaggerated scenarios in which Justin lies to an entire room full of people but justifies it because he told Ali the truth. I don't know why this argument gets air time. We already know that most of the guys in the house dislike Justin.
Meanwhile, back on the date, Ali surprises Frank by taking him to the Hollywood sign. That's pretty cool. At this point it has come to my attention that Frank really likes to pick up Ali and twirl her around. She seems OK with it. Contrary to my initial recollection, Frank has a job. He used to do something financially related but he discovered his passion for writing screen plays, quit the financial gig, moved to Paris for a little over a month, returned to the US, moved in with his parents, and now manages a retail store (store genre unknown) and continues to write. I believe that Ali admires Frank's bold move to follow his heart and pursue his passion. I think Ali sees in Frank something she was missing. Ali and Frank share some kisses. Good news, everybody! The car is fixed. The sun has set and Ali takes Frank someplace that has a spectacular view of the city. For a brief moment I am concerned because several horror movies open with a scene of two crazy kids in love parked in a remote location overlooking a city. However, this is "reality" TV and we all know that nothing bad happens on "reality" TV. Ali brings out the rose and Frank gets nervous. However, Ali tells Frank that she really likes him. I'm confident that Frank will get the rose.
Meanwhile, back at the house ... the group date list is announced: Jonathan, Ty, Chris H, Kasey, Justin, Kirk, Hunter, Tyler, Steve, Craig R, Chris N, and Craig M. Here starts the drama. Jonathan hates Craig M and Craig M hates Jonathan. Craig M starts insulting Jonathan, tattoos (possibly Jonathan's), and then Craig switches targets and starts razzing Jesse for being young. Things get very tense between Jesse, and Craig but some of the guys intervene and the situation is defused.
Meanwhile, back at the date, Frank gets the rose! Ali tells us that she was pleasantly surprised by Frank. She knew he was funny and cute, but she wasn't sure if she would have feelings. She has feelings.
On to the group date. The boys meet Ali in Malibu. They will be doing a photo shoot for a calendar with proceeds going to a charity. If you visit the ABC website, you can learn more about the calendar. In a completely expected "twist," many of the guys are required to wear skimpy bathing suits. I'm not sure how each man was assigned his outfit, but I'm puzzled. Some men get normal swim trunks while some men get teeny tiny shorts. Jonathan is horrified that he has to wear a small suit. I feel for him. With some mild complaining and majorly self deprecating remarks, Jonathan puts on the suit. I will give him a thumbs up for getting over his insecurities. Ty plays guitar and sings to Ali during their shoot. Ali is obviously smitten.
The group gets dressed and heads to a club. Ty pulls Ali aside and tells her that he's been married and is now divorced. The divorce appears to be an amicable split and Ali seems nonplussed. We get some weird back and forth shots of Craig M and Jonathan to convey the animosity between the two. Jonathan interrupts Ali and Ty to tell Ali that Craig M is dangerous. Jonathan skeeves me out, and I don't like him. Yes, Craig is a jerk. However, Jonathan keeps going on and on about how he isn't afraid to get into a fist fight with Craig. Unless we're missing Craig's threats of physical violence, right now the only person talking about fighting and getting physical is Jonathan. I have a sinking suspicion that Craig and Jonathan will be this season's Ali and Vienna in the sense that we'll constantly be subjected to the two of them fighting and talking trash about each other. Vomit.
Meanwhile, back at the house ... a mysterious envelope arrives that says, "Use these when the time is right," but there's no name. No worries, "these" refer to a set of cuff links. The cuff links are engraved with the initials J.B., and that means Jesse gets the second one-on-one date. Chris L, John C, and Roberto do not get dates this week.
Meanwhile, back on the date ... Justin talks to Ali and Ali assures him that despite the fact that many people told her he's sketchy, she thinks he's a good guy. He skeeves me out too. Ty gets the rose. Justin mugs to the camera that singing with a guitar is fake. I don't think he understands the definition of fake.
On to Jesse's date. Ali thinks Jesse is hot (call me Mrs. Robinson, but I have to agree) but she wonders if there's more to him than his looks. Side note: When I was Jesse's age, I never saw guys who looked like him. Never. Having spent a good portion of my early twenties in the Baltimore/DC area, I expected to see hot guys all the time. Where were they?!? And for that matter, where are they now? Not in Baltimore, I can tell you that much. Perhaps I need to vacation somewhere in the Midwest. But I digress.
Despite her bravery on The Bachelor, Ali is still afraid of flying. However, she again tries to conquer her fears and she takes Jesse on a private jet to Las Vegas. Ali has procured another great car, this time, a Ferrari. Again, Ali takes the wheel and again, I give her props. Jesse is turned on by a hot girl driving a hot car. Perhaps I should take this comment to heart and finally get around to learning how to drive a stick shift. Ali and Jesse hang out at Liquid. Ali serves raw oysters and Jesse is not impressed. Both Ali and I appreciate his funny rejection of the oysters. Jesse and Ali frolic in the pool and then later get gussied up and have a romantic dinner. Ali is not sure if she'll give Jesse the rose because she still doesn't know him well. At this point I'm praying that Jesse opens up and impresses Ali because I want him to stick around.
Meanwhile, back at the house ... some of the men use their keen wits and math skills to deduce that if Jesse gets a rose, that's one less rose left for the rest of the guys who haven't already received a rose. Craig M says if Jesse does come back one of the guys should step up and just leave and that it should be Jonathan. This starts more back and forth between Craig and Jonathan and more of Jonathan giving us all the reasons why he hates fighting but wants to take Craig out ... blah blah blah. Craig then comes out in Jonathan's clothes and all the guys laugh as Craig mocks Jonathan. At this point I hate them both and hope they both get kicked off. Craig is a world class jerk but Jonathan is plucking my last nerve too.
Meanwhile, back on the date ... Jesse opens up about his passion for his job and Ali really likes that. Jesse gets the rose. I am happy. A club called Haze has been closed down for the two of them and the are treated to a private concert with Jamie Cullum. There's dancing! And kissing! Yay!
On to Elimination Night. Ali talks to the guys who didn't get to go on a date. First up is Chris L. Both have lived in MA and both use "wicked" a lot. If I thought I could get away with it, I think I too would use "wicked." Ali likes that Chris is very close to his family. I think Chris has made enough of an impression to stick around for a bit. Next up is Roberto. I think he's cute too and Ali really seems to find him attractive because she blushes a lot and seems to get a little tongue tied when she's with him. Roberto used to be a baseball player. He takes Ali out to the front of the house and they play catch. Next we see Kasey. However, we only see him for a hot second because Frank interrupts. Frank receives a check minus. Although I understand that he really likes Ali and that he's missed her, he already has a rose and he shouldn't have interrupted a guy who doesn't have a rose. This interruption does not go unnoticed by the other guys. Poorly played Frank. We see more Craig and Jonathan drama. Jonathan gets some time with Ali and he tells Ali how awful Craig is and again, tells Ali that he thinks Craig is dangerous. But again, all we really see and hear is Jonathan talking about how he wants to fight Craig. Then Craig gets time with Ali and we see how much of a tool he really is. Ali asks Craig if he likes her. He doesn't really answer her. I give Ali points for calling out Craig by saying, 'You say you want to get to know me, but you haven't asked me one question about myself." Craig has no coherent response. Craig rambles a lot, says very little, and the conversation ends. Craig gathers up the guys and asks who told Ali that he was dangerous. Jonathan does not step forward. Everyone knows it was Jonathan, and Craig calls him out. In an uber annoying move, Jonathan plays coy and refuses to admit that he was the one who told Ali that Craig is dangerous. At this point I have had enough of the both of them. Jonathan is really irritating me because he's a hypocrite. He's demanding that Craig take responsibility for his actions, but he refuses to take responsibility for his own actions. Rather than admit that he said it, Jonathan hides behind a self righteous shield of "I told you to your face that I didn't like you" and "What I say to Ali is no one else's business." However, both arguments are crap. First, and I know this is a ridiculous argument itself, here in America we have the right to face our accusers. I side with Craig on this one. Jonathan needed to man up and admit that he was telling Ali that Craig was dangerous. Second, if someone is talking trash about Craig, it is his business to know he's being talked about. Grrrr. I'm really hating Jonathan right now.
The roses go to: Frank, Ty, Jesse, Kasey, Hunter, Roberto, Chris L, Justin, Steve, Kirk, John C, Craig R, Chris N, and Jonathan *insert cry of anguish*. Craig M, Tyler, and Chris H (I think it was Chris H, still too many guys who look alike to know everyone) are sent home.
Hopefully, with Craig M out of the house, Jonathan will settle down. Until next week ...
(Photo courtesy of ABC)