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'America's Got Talent': catching up ...

Introducing a new guest blogger, longtime reader Chris in KS! Thanks, Chris!:

Hey, all you readers of Reality Check, greetings from the Land of Oz! You loyal readers know me as “Chris in KS.” SKK approached me about writing recaps of America’s Got Talent (AGT from now on), and I said that I would give it a shot. Apparently trying to recap 20 reality shows can be time consuming (where’s the dedication, SKK, really???)

Anyway, the host Nick Cannon tells us that AGT takes us to Dallas this evening. The first act of the evening goes by ArcAttack. They say they use lightning as a performance art. The wife and I are intrigued! They start off playing some instruments, and Sharon X’s them before they even get to the lightning. Then they use one of the band members as a human lightning rod and streaks of lightning are flying from their generators to the guy's arms and back; the judges, Nick, and the crowd are going crazy over it! Sharon sticks to her X and says it’s a no for her, but Howie and Piers are all about them and put them through.

The second act of the night is someone that calls himself a “genital daredevil.” Let’s just say most of the act was blocked out by the censors, and it included a trashcan, fireworks, and private parts. Not surprisingly, he got three nos from the judges, and we’re moving on…

Third up, is some lady claiming everyone who hears her sing can’t believe she’s not a professional singer. She’s dressed in a skimpy dress, and Howie loves her. Once she starts singing, I tell my wife that everyone who's ever told her she was good was probably telling her this at 2 a.m., really wasted at a karaoke bar! She’s bad, and doesn’t get through. Big surprise ...

The fourth act is an acrobatic dog act that includes nine rescue dogs and one dog they have had for 18 years. It was really neat, and they moved on. Not sure they have what it takes to make it the distance, though. After the dogs is a montage of bad acts (including an overweight burlesque dancer that somehow gets put through…eeesh…)

Next up, is a teenage singer named Taylor Matthews singing and playing the guitar to Israel Kamakawiwo’s version of "Somewhere over the Rainbow." If he were on American Idol, the judges would be flipping out because he changed the song and “made it his own.” And I’m secure enough in my manhood to say that just when I was thinking that if I was a female I would said, “He's a cute kid," my wife pipes up and says, "HE'S ADORABLE!" He sounded really good, and deservedly got put through to Vegas.

The next act is a band director named Ray who is dressed in a tux and is promising to play an instrument that some will rarely see being played in their lives. He asks the judges not to X him right away, and then proceeds to pull a turkey baster out of a violin case and gets through the intro of the William Tell Overture before he gets three quick Xs. That's followed up promptly by another bad montage of acts (including a magician who can’t get a sword through the box and the assistant inside the box helps pull the sword through … seriously).

The next to last act is a lady who is half blind, scares everyone in the theater with her just plain bad twirling of flaming Samoan swords. All three judges X her, and Howie says “no,” but somehow Piers and Sharon both put her through. What!??!?!?

And now it’s time for what my wife and I like to call "the sob story" at the end (the gratuitous act at the end of the show you know is going to make it through). This time it’s another young kid calling himself CJ Dippa who is 11 years old and says he's been rapping for eight years. He writes, sings and dances. He raps really well, then does some funky dance moves including a "funky little jump," as my wife called it. Piers says, "Move over, Eminem," but the kid interrupts him and says there's a difference between himself and Eminem, because he dances. He gets three yes votes from the judges (big shock). I still don't think kids that young should be on reality shows, but I digress …

And that’s AGT from Dallas. Did anyone else catch the show? What did you think? Hope I didn’t completely bore you, and that SKK invites me back again.

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