If Rudey's existed, I think I'd be a regular. What's Rudey's, you ask? Read on, as Owl Meat takes us there.
Tired of robot corporate service? Sick of false pleasantries? Come to Rudey's, where you will be treated like the miserable dog you are.
I hate fake nice service. Genuine nice is great, but fake nice makes my skin crawl. Think hotel bars. I'm talking to you, Harbor East Marriott.
That's where Rudey's comes in. Rudey's is the bar where you and your bartender can be all man-gressive and get yer ya yas out. Think of the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld. Good product, efficient service, and no fluffing your ego. Unlike the Soup Nazi, you get to dish it out too. ...
This is probably a guy thing. I enjoy places where I have street rapport with bartenders. It's a cathartic male bonding thing.
A bartender recently suggested a beer called Arrogant Bastard. Half-listening, I heard yadda yadda Arrogant Bastard. I responded with a mild profanity. Oops, that was a beer not a greeting. We laughed.
At one of my favorite watering holes, a Russian waitress and friend used to greet me at happy hour with, "Hey, you chip baztard." Once I realized that she was referring to my attendance at happy hour and not my tipping habits, it made me laugh.
At the same place, bartenders and I engaged in unspeakably vulgar banter. We competed to embarrass each other. They would type in things like "%*&^ #%&* " as my check name. That backfired when they realized that my food checks went to the kitchen with the bartender's name attached as "Jack molests kittens" (but way more obscene).
There are rules at Rudey's. Neither the customer nor the bartender can be personally abusive. Racial epithets are uncool. In verbal sparring there are rules, mostly no hitting below the belt.
Nice is nice, but sometimes we need some old fashioned aggression outlets. It's a bad idea to yell at your girlfriend or wife. Consider the bartender at Rudey's your surrogate argu-mate.
I'm not suggesting abusive or sadistic service like you might find at the legendary Wiener Circle in Chicago (NSFW). That's just soul staining.
There was an S&M restaurant in New York where they served you dinner in a dog dish on the floor. Too much.
Rudey's ... Where Everybody Knows Your Name ... Is Dumbass
Play me out, Johnny Thunders.
(Photos by Getty Images)