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Owl Meat's Tipsy Tuesdays: Music math

I was never good at math. But music math? It's all starting to add up now. Here's Owl Meat:

Breaking news -- Scientists prove that Coldplay is boring

A survey of British hotel guests asked what music people played to fall asleep. Coldplay came in No. 1. The first time I heard Coldplay, I thought, "That sounds familiar. It's like Catherine Wheel and Radiohead had a boring baby."

That bit of mental algebra inspired today's diversion: Music Math. The rules are simple: There are no rules or wrong answers. I'll start off with a few of my own, which I hope will amuse you, but I'm expecting a certain amount teeth gnashing.

Coldplay = Radiohead + Catherine Wheel + tryptophan - exciting

Van Morrison = God + Jameson's

Jay-Z = Henry Kissinger + Bill Cosby ...

Black Eyed Peas = ( (Spice Girls) / 5 + Tony! Toni! Toné!) x fist pumping

Lady Gaga = (Madonna + Elton John) / Narnia

Paul McCartney = Angela Lansbury + Dora the Explorer

Yo La Tengo = Velvet Underground - heroin - Nico - cello  + Hoboken

Harry Connick, Jr. = 1955 Frank Sinatra + (lame / gumbo)

Moby = (early '70s Brian Eno + iMac) x sellout

Morrissey (2010) = Morrissey (1984) - 30 percent rage + 12 percent Bryan Ferry + 17 percent Vegas Elvis

Pink = One non-Four-Non-Blonde + (Red Bull x tater tot)

Shakira = Punky Brewster - kitsch + (Viagra x habaneros)
 
Vampire Weekend = King Sunny Ade + Talking Heads + Blur

Midnight Sunners, I challenge you to create some of your own perverse music math. Now I will retire to the Owl Meat bunker in case Jay-Z is looking for some payback.

(Photo by Getty Images)

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