She don¿t lie, she don¿t lie, she don¿t lie ...

In this week's Shallow Thought Wednesday post, John Lindner considers life as an outlaw. If he does time, maybe somebody will bring him a cake with a baked-in file. LV

So, bacon and cheesecake are the culinary equivalent of heroin and cocaine. And that’s a bad thing?

All this time I thought I was going to taverns, they’re really drug rehab clinics. The Cheesecake Factory is a methadone treatment center but you have to pay for the fix.

New meaning for BATF: Bacon Additives Transfats Fried food.

The question that occurs to me is this, since I’m not tempted to indulge in heroin and cocaine, what foods would I be willing to break the law to eat?

Bacon cheeseburgers would be one.

Almost any pasta with almost any cream sauce.

I could see dying in a shoot-out with the Steak Police.

Maybe someday I’ll be busted for shipping Gruyere across state lines in boxes of wine.

As much as I enjoy the controversy of eating foie gras, I don’t think I’d risk doing time for liver.

But I think I could look at five to seven in minimum security on a fries and ketchup violation.

“What ya in for?”

“Butter. You?”

“Powdered sugar.”

Gives a whole new meaning to getting caught with egg on your face.

Warning: listing the food crimes you’d be willing to commit may constitute conspiracy. I’m just saying.


Photo by Elvis Santana, courtesy Stock Exchng

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