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The Baltimore Sun

I finally found Ful

For years, I've been trying to find Ful, the city's most exclusive yet elusive club.*

Dreamed up by Midnight Sunner BryaninTowson as an answer to Pur, Ful is high-end underground -- or so I heard. I never knew the secret location. Until now.

I was walking down Calvert Street when I saw the sign, and it opened up my eyes. 

By Jove, I thought, I finally found it, after all these years.

Why had Ful been so hard to find? Because Ful wasn't in one place. It changed locations, depending on the night. Genius! Or is it ingenious? I'm never sure ...

As soon as I spotted the sign, I remember BryaninTowson's now-legendary remarks about his club:

As co-owner of FüL, next time I will make sure you get a Baltimore Drizzle on the house. For your roommate, they are normal price of $19. We also have a fine selection of cigars wrapped in pages from a Gutenberg bible.

My goodness, my gracious, my Guinness! 

Thirsting for the legendary $99.95 Unicorn Martini (made with pieces of real unicorn), I sprinted into the garage, trying to find the secret entrance. I couldn't hear anything, until I put my head to the floor. Through seven layers of concrete, I heard the dull thud of an ever-so-soft techno groove. It could have easily been mistaken for the heartbeat of the city.

In a desperate frenzy, I jumped into an elevator, and scanned the buttons. Amidst the usual numbers, there was a button with the letter "F." I pressed it, but nothing happened. Then I realized I needed to swipe a top secret membership card to access Ful. Alas, I didn't have one.

Downtrodden, I returned to my desk and moped. There will be a next time, Ful. Of that, I am certain.

(Photo by me)

*Disclaimer: Ful does not actually exist. If you couldn't tell, this entire post was me having some fun. Happy post-turkey weekend!

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