5 things we learned from the Ravens' win over the Jaguars
The Baltimore Sun

13 signs you don't want to eat there


Welcome to my life, Owl Meat. EL

Sometimes there are subtle signs that a restaurant might not be for you.

•    You have to construct your own burger, pasta, etc. from a menu of 50 ingredients. Be a chef already.

•    Bathrooms with ambiguous male/female silhouettes. Or labels like Knights/Damsels, Dudes/Dudettes, or Caballeros/Caballeras. Dios mio! My bladder is exploding.

•    They display a yellowed award that is over ten years old.

•    A place called Prometheus' Buffet where an eagle eats your liver – every day. Caveat emptor. Any restaurant named Caveat Emptor should also be avoided. (Don't worry the Latin/art history part is over). ...


Prometheus (1868) Gustave Moreau

•    The valet is a dude with this cardboard sign, "Wil park car 4 leftovers."

•    Waitresses in black uniforms that resemble retro morgue attendants. Not that there is a restaurant in Baltimore that dresses their servers as grim Todeswitwen.

•    Menus with food stains. No scratch & sniff.

•    The chef is sitting at the bar doing shots of Jaegermeister with the dishwasher. Ditto for mumblety-peg.

•    Photos of the owner and family with washed up minor celebs.

•    The chef has a tattoo ... of Anthony Bourdain ... on his neck ... shooting up.  

•    Three words: Day old sushi.

•    The "sommelier" parked your car.

•    Your waitress is named Fajita and when you order the "Sizzling Fajita," she says, "Ooooh yeah" and blots her lipstick.  

(Photo credit: Getty Images)

Copyright © 2016, The Baltimore Sun, a Baltimore Sun Media Group publication | Place an Ad