Tim Lumber: Jacked at Hammerjack's!

As promised, here is Tim Lumber's Midnight Sun debut:

If drinking whiskey was in the olympics, i would be the gold medalist! My background and upbringing is a perfect match for 80 proof old crow whiskey! Im the tat2'd, denture wearing writer straight from the Trailer Park! I will be writing this article drunk, so kick your feet up and pop open a beer!

Its time for a little Midnight Sun fun, I'm going to tell you some drinking stories....Tim Lumber style!

Im feeling the buzz,if your not drinking you will probably have no idea what I'm talking about! The drunker you get, the better this story will be! This is my first career article, one day this story will be put in the Writers Hall of Fame! My drunken writing style is like a frying pan,the more i write the more things begin to heat up! 

On my 21st Birthday,my friends took me to the old Hammer Jacks for a Lords of Acid (pictured) concert! After i got drunk they told me to come out into the mosh pit! I thought i was crazy, in the first 15 seconds, some guy grabs me by the shirt and says Happy Birthday! Apparently my friends told this pyscho it was my birthday! ...

Well after he grabs my shirt, he head butts me! Its bad enough I'm drunk, but now my glasses are broken in half, and my head is busted open!

Later that night they take me out to Denny's with a birthday cake! If my night wasnt bad already, the people in the restaurant start singing Happy Birthday to me! Then to top it off some little girl behind me asks her mom...what happened to that guys face? The mom says i dont know,maybe he got into a fight! And you thought your 21st birthday was bad!

On the good days when Im drunk I like doing the Robot Walk in the bars! I am the self proclaimed champion of the robot walk, i have a open challenge to anyone in America, if any one thinks there good enough...Step Up and Get Served!!!!  

By Tim Lumber

(Photo from Sun archives)

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