On SNL, in a bit over his head

The Flip Side

September 15, 2008

Say this much for Michael Phelps: At least he didn't fall down. Baltimore's swimming superstar didn't exactly add a ninth gold medal for his Saturday Night Live performance. Here are a few reviews:

•Deadspin.com: "In a bit Phelps did as himself on the Charles Barkley Show, the Olympic swimming legend simply forgot to bring the funny. That seemed to be the trend throughout the night. …

"It's simple really. For men, Phelps' appeal when he is in the water is on par with Jordan on the hardwood or Tiger on the golf course. We love watching the best in the world simply dominate.

"It's simple for women, too. While Phelps is certainly kind of goofy looking, the ladies still swoon for him. When you have a body that looks like it's been chiseled by Michelangelo himself, that goofy white boy smile isn't so bad. And when that body is on NBC covered in clothing, that appeal is diminished."

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•NationalPost.com: "He stumbles a little in the last sketch, and aside from the awkward teen sketch and the final bit, they were all pretty unmemorable. But whatever … he's the greatest Olympian of all time, not the greatest SNL host. Which one would you rather be?"

•TheBigLead.com: "Michael Phelps hosted Saturday Night Live last night and boy was it… awful. … All the humor on SNL seems to tend toward the weird instead of the smart. Why? Putting a goofy wig on Michael Phelps is not funny. … As for Michael Phelps… It's been fun, bud. See you in 2012."

(If you haven't already, Mr.Flip hopes you check out David Zurawik's take on Phelps' appearance at baltimoresun.com/zontv.)

Write tightly

Years after his playing career ended, Mark Bavaro got cut. But it didn't involve a knock at the door and bringing his playbook. It was more the matter of a delete key.

Bavaro, a bruising NFL tight end from 1985 to 1994, mainly with the New York Giants, has written a football novel called Rough & Tumble. According to an interview with Entertainment Weekly, Bavaro said his prose went through a bit of a training camp.

"My favorite is Dickens," Bavaro said. "I like that really flowery prose, the way he goes on and on. I was under his influence writing my original manuscript. I wrote long, rambling passages, and my editor just cut and cut and cut."

The passages had to include some blue language in order to keep it real, he said, though Bavaro originally wanted not to spell out the offensive words.

"Everybody said, no, you got to write out the swears. It's hard to write football without swears. I tried to keep it to a minimum."

Don't expect Bavaro to write a tell-all about himself, though. He said there is not much to tell.

"I would never write an autobiography, because my life was very boring. Football is a very monotonous existence, and I didn't get caught up in the women and drugs."

No reason to cheer

A Green Bay, Wis., woman didn't get to be a cheerleader when she was high school age, so she thought she would try it when she was 33.

Wendy Brown posed as her 15-year-old daughter - who actually lives with Brown's mother in Nevada - and enrolled at Ashwaubenon High School. She reportedly joined the cheerleading squad, going to practices and a pool party at the coach's house. Brown, who attended only the first day of school, looked too old but, according to an Associated Press article, "had the demeanor of a high school girl." A school employee said Brown told her "she was not good at math."

Which would explain why the check she wrote for $134.50 to cover her cheerleading uniform bounced.

Brown, who reportedly said she was trying to regain a childhood she never had, has been charged with felony identity theft.

(Tip of the Flip to Deadspin.com.)

Compiled from wire and Web reports by Mr. Flip, who - in the immortal words of Steely Dan - is never going back to his old school.

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