July 23, 2008
He knew just what he liked
Frank Zappa gave Maryland more than just the first 10 years of his life. He also gave his home state one of its most memorable moments in legislative history.
Never before, nor since, I'm guessing, has someone testified to the state Senate Judicial Proceedings Committee, "I like nipples."
That was back in 1986. My excuse for revisiting this tawdry episode all these years later: Baltimore is preparing to erect a statue of Zappa, yet another of its offbeat natives.
Zappa and his family left Maryland while he was a grade-schooler. He was a famous, 45-year-old rocker, living in California, by the time Maryland was mulling a ban on the sale of "obscene" music to minors.
The House had already passed the legislation, sponsored by Del. Judith Toth, a Montgomery County Dem, of all things.
The Recording Industry Association of America turned to - who else? - Bruce Bereano, lobbyist for smoking, gambling, boozing and - vice of the moment - singing.
"Someone told me that Frank Zappa was big on this issue, when Tipper Gore had tried to label music cassettes," Bereano recalled the other day. "I didn't know who Frank Zappa was. I checked with some of my more funky friends. I made a cold call out to California to speak with him. They didn't think it was a legit call at first, but I persisted. And I got him on the telephone. I proposed, at my own expense, to fly him into Annapolis to testify against this bill."
Zappa, already scheduled to come east for a Johnny Carson show, agreed.
He did not disappoint.
In one of the funniest moments, he read aloud the state's definition of obscene.
A particular female body part was deemed taboo.
"I like nipples," Zappa told the committee, deadpan. "I think they look good. If you are going to look at a woman's breast, if you take the nipple off, which is the characterizing, determining factor, what you've got is a blob of fat there. And I think that when you're a baby, one of the first things you get interested in is that nozzle right there, and you get to have it right in front of your face. You grow up with it, so to speak. And then you grow up in the state of Maryland and they won't let you see that little brown thing any more."
The crowd in the hearing room roared.
The bill died in committee.
A suit, a book, a desk and two wristbands
Will Wilson, a San Francisco Democrat who's painted pictures for Michael Jackson and Penthouse, has an unlikely client in Bob Ehrlich.Unlikely, that is, until you learn Wilson and the former Gov go back to 1963, when they were both first-graders in Mrs. Schlenker's class at Emmanuel Christian Day School.
"We were best friends," Wilson said. "We took different paths. I don't think either one of us understands the other's work."
Even so, there was no question who would paint Ehrlich's official state portrait, which will be unveiled June 3 at St. John's College.
Wilson said Ehrlich put it to him this way: "'Billy' - he calls me Billy - 'you're going to paint my portrait.'"
The assignment was one of the toughest ever for the artist, who's created an album cover for Jacko (Blood on the Dance Floor) and painted a woman in an Army jacket for Penthouse (not as racy as it sounds, Wilson says).
Copyright © 2008, The Baltimore Sun
Images in the news Entertainment photos | Sports photos 
Caption Call
We post the photo, you write a funny caption for this hungry hippo 
Ravens training camp
The Ravens prepare for the season at McDaniel College in Westminster |
Popular stories
- What they're saying about the Orioles
- Dashing figure at Camden Yards
- Md. smoking ban exceptions are rare
- Hopkins genetics pioneer dies at 86
- Baltimore's underground sound
 | ||
 THINGS TO DOPlein Air- Easton Observe artists and artisans, purchase their works and more through July 27.
RECENT BLOG UPDATES FROM THE BEACH LIFE |
 |
 FROM B, THE PAPERLet it Go Feeling frazzled? Here are 16 ways to release your stress RECENT BLOG UPDATES FROM BTHESITE.COM |
 | |
 FEATURED GALLERYArtscape Share photos from the annual arts festival in the city.  FEATURED USERSusansz This picture was taken on the beach in Ocean City. | |
Today's columnists |
| Columnists: News | Sports | Business | Lifestyle |
About our coverageThe Sun is committed to publishing information quickly and accurately. We take our readers' concerns seriously and will promptly investigate when we are alerted to possible errors.• To report an error, use our feedback page. • To submit questions to Sun reporters and editors, visit Under The Sun, a blog offering insight into how decisions are made at The Sun. |