I am getting married in 100 days.
I’ve had a hard time feeling like this whole wedding thing is real. It has at times seemed too adult, too overwhelming, too far away to actually be a thing that is going to happen.
My overall disbelief has been peppered with moments that yank me out of the cloud and whip my head around. I was at a work meeting, making conversation with someone I had just met, and heard my voice saying, “I’m getting married on October 6.” I’d said that before, but not to someone who didn’t already know I was engaged. Somehow telling a stranger — someone who has never met me or my fiancé — that I’m getting married and her smiling and nodding like "Sure! You look like a normal human doing something adult human's do!" made me believe that I look the part.
Rob and I, luckily, are hanging out in the cloud together. We met as roommates and have lived together since then, so there is part of us that already feels married and voluntarily bound. There will be no big ‘moving in together’ day, no merging of things that aren’t already ours. We won’t be worrying about what living together will be like, and we won’t have to wonder if our pets will get along. All of the things that traditionally are associated with marriage already mostly belong to us — right now a wedding feels more like a party in our honor, or a re-commitment ceremony.
Today, 100 days from the Day, I am floaty and excited. 100 days is a tidy, concrete place from which to actively count down. 100 days to send out save the dates and invites. 100 days to welcome diet and exercise into my life so I can fit in my dress. 100 days to order flowers, and pick bridesmaid gifts, and update our wedding blog, and say yes to a life with someone, and, and, and.
Standing here, 100 days until I’m no longer able to list “single” on my taxes, it really is beginning to feel real. With each day, and each wedding chore ticked off the list, I think we will both come into focus to each other a little more, and realize that though we may feel married, we’re not yet. We need to keep reminding ourselves that we only get these exact 100 days once, and to treat them carefully.
In 101 days I'm going to spend my first full day as a wife, with my husband, and then it will really be real.