It was a fine week for bad football.
I should know I watched a lot of it. Thank you, fantasy football, for making me care about two games that under normal circumstances wouldn't warrant more than a channel-clicking interest.
It started with the Sunday night showdown between the Niners and Bears. But wait, I'm confused. Craig Krenzel? Ken Dorsey? Is this the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl?
Sadly, it was not. It was what passes as professional football for teams whose best days came in the 80s. Kind of like Eddie Murphy.
But I tuned in, because my fantasy opponent started Kevan Barlow and the Chicago defense, and because I'm too young for Desperate Housewives.
The game wasn't pretty, and I wasn't swayed by comments from the announcers, such as, "There's no quit in the 49ers," or, "These are two of the hardest working teams in the league."
Really? Because I looked at the standings and they were both 1-5.
I intended to change the channel, but something else happened instead. I remember downing a half-pound burger with "the works" from the joint up the street. I remember thinking I might be more comfortable in a slightly more horizontal position. And I remember waking up about two hours later, just in time to watch the Bears run back an interception for a touchdown.
I was down 10 at that point, but not to worry I still had the Jets defense going against the disgraceful Dolphins on Monday night. And my team, like the Ravens, wins with defense. In fact, the J-E-T-S Jets have outscored every player on my team other than Ahman Green.
So the next night, I loaded up my Yahoo StatTracker and tuned in to Al and John, passing on The Swan to watch my beloved Jets throw Jay Fiedler around like a cat toy.
Four sacks, three turnovers and three-plus hours later, I had scratched out a hard-fought win, in spite of Terrell Buckley's maddening indifference on a last-second TD heave.
And so, despite entering the week with the lowest point total in a 12-team league, despite cutting Rod Smith right before he went for 208 yards and a TD, I managed pull myself into a first-place tie at 6-2.
Thank goodness for bad football.